


Don't Let Me Go

by Wickedqueenoftheeast



Category: Fine Line - Harry Styles (Album), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Bipolar Disorder, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Internalized Misogyny, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mpreg, Omega Verse, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:41:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24260746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wickedqueenoftheeast/pseuds/Wickedqueenoftheeast
Summary: Harry and Louis have been married for two years. Their once-perfect marriage has become something no one could have predicted, with Harry working long hours and Louis looking for warmth and attention anywhere he could find it. Their marriage continues like this until Harry finds out about Louis' abortion. This causes a rift in their relationship that not even love can fix. In a bid to undo the damage he has done, Louis unwillingly reveals things about himself, secrets he has spent years burying. Secrets that should never see the light of day.Can Harry deal with the knowledge that the man he has spent years loving may not be the man he knows him to be?
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 26
Kudos: 74





	1. Chapter One

Chapter 1  
I shut the front door gently behind me, flinching when I hear the lock slide in place. I could still taste the bubbles of the white wine I’d drank minutes earlier. I turn on my heel quietly and begin to creep towards the stairs that lead to my bedroom.  
“Welcome home”  
Fuck.  
I feel my heart drop as I hear his voice.  
“Harry. Babe, what are you doing up at this time?” I struggle to keep my voice steady. There was a slur in my words that he definitely noticed. He was sitting at the kitchen island his arms folded on the glass tabletop.  
I wanted to ask why he was sitting in the dark, I wanted to ask why he’d come home so early but the only thing that came up my throat was a fizzy burp that shifted my already nauseous stomach.  
“where were you?”  
His voice was quiet, his shoulders were tense and his breathing was labored. I could feel his anger simmering below the surface.  
“Today was Adam’s art exhibition I thought I mentioned it”  
I waited for him to say something but he kept quiet.  
“Sit down” His voice was hoarse and gravelly.  
“it’s dark in here, why don’t I turn on the light?” hopefully some light will relieve this horrible tension.  
I flipped the switch and the kitchen was flooded with light. I blinked hard for five seconds and then I opened my eyes again.  
My husband was still there staring at his folded arms but now I noticed his red-rimmed eyes and the tear tracks down his cheeks.  
I rushed to his side.  
‘Harry! What’s wrong?”  
“DON’T TOUCH ME!”  
I froze shocked, my hand hovering above his newly cut hair. I pulled my arm to myself and wrapped it around my torso. I could feel tears gathering in my eyes.  
He breathed in and out.  
“I’m sorry” He muttered. “I just really don’t want you near me right now”  
I took a step back, my mouth falling open. My heart clenched, I felt like I had been smacked right across the face. The warm buzz of alcohol was quickly fading, tears began to fall down my cheeks.  
“what’s going on Harry?” my voice was barely even a whisper.  
“I got a call at work today Louis” Louis not my omega, not baby, not honey, not even Lou. Louis.  
“wanna know who it was” His voice was getting louder now.  
“who” I wanted to say but my throat was swollen shut.  
“Sit down” He ordered.  
I pulled out a chair and sat down directly opposite my husband.  
“I got a call from Planned Parenthood.”  
At that moment I was grateful for the chair I was sitting on because I felt all the blood leave my body.  
“I’m a busy man Louis. My job requires a lot of thinking and even more networking, so forgive me if I never decline a call.  
I picked up the call expecting a client or a friend but imagine my surprise when I hear Planned Parenthood saying that my husband forgot to pick up his drugs’”  
My hands are shaking under the table so I sit on them.  
“at first I’m confused because you’ve never been to planned parenthood before, you get your contraceptives from our family doctor” I don’t think I’ve ever heard him talk this loudly to me before. He’s speaking in the voice he uses on his staff. I can barely believe my ears. I bite my lip till it bleeds. Till I’m sure this is real and not some drunken hallucination.  
“Harry” I croak.  
“Let me finish, they said you didn’t come for contraceptives. They said you had an abortion.”  
I feel like I’m floating. This can’t be real, but then I remember rushing out of the clinic and running to my car, I remember crying and howling till my throat was dry and my eyes were swollen. I remember paying in cash because I didn’t want it showing up on my bank statement. I remember booking the appointment in the first place. I remember those two blue lines on the at home pregnancy test.  
“is it true?.” He pushes back his chair and gets up.  
“Harry- “  
“I don’t believe it, Louis, tell me they were lying” he kneels in front of me. He pulls my hands out from under me and holds them in his big rough palms.  
“Alpha-“  
“Louis, my omega, baby tell me this is all a misunderstanding so I can sue the hell out of them. I won’t question why they had my number in the first place, I won’t question how they know your name, I won’t question any of it.”  
I choke on a sob and I look down at my shaking hands and I see that his are shaking too.  
“I’m sorry-“ I sob. He recoils from me.  
He looks at me like he doesn’t know who I am, like I’m some sort of imposter.  
“why?!” he yells.  
I can barely see him get up and begin pacing through the tears in my eyes clouding my vision.  
“Why didn’t you tell me?”  
You know I would have supported any decision you made”  
My whole body begins to heave. I feel like throwing up so I shut my eyes and put my head between my legs.  
I hear something shatter against the wall.  
“FUCK!!” He screams. He’s going upstairs now. Barely a minute later I hear the jingle of his car keys. I shoot off the chair.  
“Harry?” He walks right past me and out the door.  
I run behind him.  
“HARRY!!”  
He’s still walking. In that moment I wonder what we must look like. Me, in tight leather pants and my chiffon top with mucus and tears running down my face. And my loving faithful husband in his work suit with his hair a mess from the countless times he’s run his fingers through it and a scruffy five o’clock shadow lining his jaw. It’s one a.m. in the morning and here I am yelling and crying and pleading. What would the neighbors think?  
I fall to the ground and grab a hold of his arm.  
“Harry please don’t do this. Please I need you!”  
He shrugs off my hand and moves to his car parked in the driveway.  
“HARRY PLEASE I LOVE YOU!”  
He stops and turns to look at me and his eyes soften.  
“I loved you too Louis”  
Then he gets in his car and drives away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback to the day Harry and Louis met

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe people actually like this. Thank you so much for the comments and the kudos

**12 years earlier**

“You guys sure about this ?”  
I roll my eyes.  
“this’s the hundredth time you’ve asked me that”  
“Just saying. It’s not too late to turn this car around”  
“we’re already here, might as well see where it goes.” I laugh and shrug my shoulders.  
I glance at Rashad who's sitting behind the wheel, his face is stony and his dark hands are clenched tightly on the steering wheel. He runs a hand over his bald scalp. I know the main reason he’s worried and that reason is sitting right behind us.  
“just be careful guys, I don’t trust these rich kids. I don’t trust them at all”  
A bored voice comes from the back seat “You’re the one who’s making us come here so can we please go.”  
I reach back and ruffle the head of hair peeking through the passenger and driver seats.  
“what? you scared that all the big strong alphas will be gone by the time we get there” I tease.  
“Yes, you fucking idiot.” He retorts while adjusting his hair, trying to tame his golden-brown curls.  
“I thought I made it clear that the only reason I’m here is to find a rich husband, I don’t give a flying fuck about school”  
“JAMAL!” Rashad scolds.  
“what?! You’re sending me off to a prep school on the north side with a 70% alpha population.”  
Rashad pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a deep breath.  
“Please look out for him Harry”  
‘I’ll try my best” I push open the door and step out of the dodge wrangler. I hear Jamal do the same behind me we begin to walk in step towards the school.  
“and Harry!”  
I stop and turn around.  
“your mom would be really proud of you “I lift two fingers to my temple in a mock salute.  
“Thanks “ I say even though I can’t think about her right now. I need to be in full control of my emotions right now. I swallow forcing the bundle of nerves in my stomach to settle.  
I do a little jog to catch up to Jamal who’s already halfway down the walkway.  
“hey follow me to the bathroom real quick”  
I raise an eyebrow at him.  
“umm.. why?”  
I reach out when we reach the entrance of the school's administrative building and hold the door out for him.  
“Thanks”  
“I need your help with something.” He continues as we walk through the building that’s currently deserted due to everyone else being in the school assembly.  
“can I know what it is?”  
“nope”  
I heave a sigh and follow him as he turns around a corner.  
He pushes the door into the omega bathroom and goes in. I’m outside for a second before he shouts through the door.  
“you coming or not?”  
I sigh once again and I follow him in.  
The omega bathroom is way fancier than any bathroom I’ve ever been in. The walls are painted in alternating colors of pink and baby blue with a long row of sinks with a long clear mirror above them and ten large stalls directly opposite the sinks. It smells like daisies, vanilla, and strawberries.  
“What the fuck are you doing?” I do a double-take as I see Jamal standing half-naked in the middle of the damn bathroom. He’s bent over trying to stuff a pair of slacks into his backpack while pulling another pair out. He stands up and starts to pull on the second pair. I try not to watch purposefully avoiding looking down as he tries to pull the tight pair up his thighs.  
“Are you just gonna stand there or are you gonna help me?” he’s looking at me with a deadpan expression like this is completely normal. Like he’s asking me to lend him a pen.  
I blink and try to shut my mouth.  
“uh – um what do you need.”  
He leans forward and takes my hands and puts them on the top of his pants which are currently halfway up his butt.  
“pull” he instructs  
“Jamal I’m not so sure you’re dad would-“  
“PULL for goodness sake !!”  
I swallow and pull the pants up, squirming when the action pushes his body flush against mine. One last pull and I can wash my hands and try to forget this ever happened. I can try to forget that my thumbs are currently touching my best friend’s ass.  
"will you be able to walk in this?" he fixes me with a deadly glare.  
Just then the door to the bathroom opens and someone steps in. it’s an omega, and I’m quickly reminded that I’m an alpha in an omega bathroom on the first day of my senior year in a new school, a CATHOLIC school.  
The newcomer takes in the situation looks at me, turns abruptly, and walks right back out.  
This is bad. This is really bad. I’m gonna get expelled, then I’m gonna be put on a sex offenders list, then I’m never gonna get a job, or get married or have kids or-  
“HARRY!”  
I look at Jamal who has successfully zipped up the pants that look painted onto his skin, he’s staring at me in the reflection of the mirror.  
“Harry, we need to leave in case they come back”  
He applies a coat of lipgloss to his lips, fixes his hair, and picks his backpack off the bathroom floor meanwhile I continue to stare at my reflection shell shocked. He takes off his blue blazer and loosens his tie undoing the first three buttons of his uniform.  
He rolls his eyes at me.  
“come on let’s go!” I follow him out of the bathroom.  
What just happened.

I am currently sitting in the front office of the secretary waiting with Jamal to get our class schedules. This morning did not happen. There is absolutely no way that was real. I can feel all the nerves I’ve pushed down these past two months creeping back up pulling a new set of nerves from the incident this morning with them. I take a deep breath, I’m doing this. There is absolutely no room for any doubts. I am going to do well in my classes, get into a good college, get a law degree, get –  
“Harry Styles?”  
“here” I stand up and flash the secretary my best dimpled smile. She glances up at me from the top of her glasses unimpressed.  
“uh hunh”  
She hands me a sheet with all my classes listed on it.  
“We rarely have students transfer into the senior year so we’ll be taking extra interest in your academics and extracurricular activities.” She speaks in a monotone drawl.  
“A model student will be put in charge of assisting you with all your coursework and exams. He’ll be arriving soon to take you on a quick tour of your classes.”  
I hear the door to the office open and I feel someone walk in behind me.  
“Morning Ms. Schafer” comes an out of breath voice.  
“You’re late Mr. Tomlinson”  
“I’m sorry something came up. “  
“mhmm Louis this is Mr. Harry Styles. Jamal Williams” Jamal stands up and waits for me to walk past him  
“see you later Haz”  
“later Mal”  
I adjust my backpack and finally look at my caretaker. I nearly choke when I realize It’s him. The omega from this morning. I recognize the gold embellished blazer.  
He looks me over obviously recognizing me and walks out of the office.  
Fuck My Life.  
Once we’re out of the office he turns to me.  
“Hi, I’m Louis Tomlinson.” he says. He’s smiling at me. Why is he smiling at me? Is this his plan? is he going to lull me into a false sense of security and then report me to the dean? I should have known something like this would happen. Just my Goddamned luck. I should just get it out of the way right now and submit myself to fate.  
“listen about this morning-“ I start.  
“I understand what happened.”  
“you do?”  
“yeah, you just wanted some alone time with your omega. I completely understand. In fact, I should apologize” he’s staring at his shoes and I can see a red blush on the tip of his ears.  
My omega?  
“wait no it was nothing like that”  
He looks at me in disbelief.  
“Harry, it’s fine. I’m not going to report you or anything” I try to ignore the feeling that flutters in my chest when he says my name.  
“You’ve got it all wrong. Jamal isn’t my omega.”  
“He’s not?”  
“yeah” I scratch the back of my neck nervously.  
“Oh my God. Is he your side piece?” his eyes go wide and he looks up at me.  
“Oh God, I’ve discovered an affair.” He sputters.  
“wait-“  
“I won’t tell anyone I promise-“ I scent fear coming from him. It puts me on edge I don’t want him scared. In an effort to calm him I put my hands on his shoulders and stare directly into his bright blue eyes.  
“I don’t have an omega“ I stress the word have.  
“you don’t?” his eyebrows knit together quizzically.  
“No. Jamal’s just a friend ...”  
His entire face is red now.  
“Oh” he ducks his head and takes a reluctant step away from me.  
“yeah”  
“This is embarrassing” he chuckles. His scent changes from scared to embarrassed.  
“it’s fine. Come on. Why don’t you show me around?” I flash him a dimpled smile and watch him practically melt.  
“Ok then” he squeaks.  
My heart skips a beat as he beams up at me. Fuck. The first day and things have already gone incredibly wrong, I should be sad or angry but instead I'm happy, pleased even. something tells me it has to do with the omega beside me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis deals with the aftermath of that night

I pry my eyes open and press my fingers against my head. Everything hurts my head is pounding but my heart feels worse. It feels like there's glass inside my chest, scraping against my insides with every breath I take. I turn to my left in my bed but I know it's empty even before I feel the cold sheets. I want to cry but I feel empty, dried up. I glance at the alarm clock on the bedside table. 11:56 am. I laugh. when was the last time I was in bed after 9 o'clock in the morning? I shut my eyes again even though my eyelids feel hot and painful. 

One minute. I need one minute before everything comes rumbling up again. I need to breathe. Thirty seconds pass before I shoot up and run to the bathroom. Before I get to the toilet I'm throwing up. I manage to get some rancid watery vomit all over my shirt before spewing into the ceramic bowl. I want to laugh. Who would have thought it? Louis Tomlinson-Styles philanthropist, socialite, the most gifted beautiful omega this side of the river lying on his bathroom floor, his head three feet away from his own vomit. I want to cry when I remember the last time I was throwing up into the same toilet bowl. I do both, I laugh and cry. They bubble out of me like some kind of sick eruption. I wonder what he's doing right now while I'm here leaking fluids. 

_Get it together Tomlinson_

I want to listen to the voice that could only be my omega. I want to get off this floor, go on a run, and get my shit together. 

You _did not become the first omega in St. Francis Academy history to be the student council president this way._

With all the will and strength I have left I stand up.

_You did not graduate from the best omega university in this country to be lying in your own vomit on a Saturday morning._

I walk to the front of my bathroom sink, I look in the mirror and stare at my reflection. I look nothing like how I looked when I stood in front of this very mirror last night before my world imploded in on itself. Were there was lipgloss last night there is only drool and vomit, were there was eyeliner there are dark rings, were there was blush there are tear tracks. 

_You are going to brush your teeth, take a long shower, clean your Goddamned house, and call your husband._

What if he doesn't want me? What if this is it? What if I've pushed him too far- 

_No, you cannot think that way or you WILL fall apart._

My omega is right. Harry and I have been together for ten years, we've been through MUCH worse. Our relationship will not end like this. I cannot allow it. I WILL NOT allow it.

I brush my teeth until I feel my gums bleed. I spit out the red-tinged toothpaste and rinse my mouth, the water stings but the pain is a brief relief from the pain inside my head and my heart. I peel my shirt off my body and let it fall to the ground. Before I get into the shower I catch a glimpse of my carefully maintained figure, the result of a rigorous yoga, pilates, and jogging schedule. My heart stutters when I remember my husband who loved me even when I didn't look like a runway model. 

I get into the shower and resist the urge to stay there for the whole day.

_Ten minutes Tomlinson._

By the time I'm out of the bathroom I feel refreshed and renewed. I am going to fix this. I pull on briefs and one of harry's t-shirts. It smells like rain and a warm fireplace and while it hurts to be able to smell him but not feel him the safety the shirt offers is worth any kind of pain. 

The bedroom is a mess, there are sheets scattered on the floor and three bottles of Dom Perignon laying on top of them. My keys, wallet, makeup, perfume, anything that was formerly on my vanity is currently laying on the floor the stool tipped over. I go to pick them up when I see a wet puddle by the door, by the smell I can tell what it is. I let out a wet laugh but I don't cry. 

I will fix this I will fix everything. 

Thirty minutes later the bed is made, the floor scrubbed and I have thrown away the shirt from last night. I don't think I could ever wear it again anyway. The next thing to do is to eat something but the thought of doing that makes my stomach squirm. So I skip breakfast, ignoring my omegas requests, and decide to call Harry but to do that I need my phone. 

I look around the living room and I find it under a throw pillow. I sit on the lounge set in front of the french windows facing the street and turn it on. 

The screen lights up and immediately it buzzes with notifications. I go through my phone log and I see that I called Harry thirty-four times last night. I have a voice mail from my mom and Niall, I'll listen to those later. I check my texts and see twenty unread texts, however, the only thing that catches my eye is one from Harry. 

**_5:30 a.m_ **

_I'm staying at Zayn's. Don't call me._

Ok, that’s fine, I try to ignore my heart breaking yet again. At least he’s talking to me, even if he isn’t.

I’m about to open my voice mails when I hear a knock on the front door. A part of me hopes it's Harry even though I know he wouldn't knock and he doesn't want anything to do with me. I let out a shaky sigh, I really don't want to have any human interactions right now. The person bangs on the door a couple more times before I reach it.

The door opens to reveal an angry impish blond who is currently staring daggers at me, with his arms crossed over his chest. 

"Hey Niall" I smile despite myself. 

He huffs and walks right past me into the kitchen and turns to face me. 

"Care to tell me why you haven't answered any of my calls and why Harry, your husband, is currently sleeping on my couch" 

I swallow.

"uhh what did he tell you?"

"nothing. He showed up at four and asked if he could stay the night. " 

I go to the living room to sit down knowing Niall would follow me. I seat cross-legged in a soft brown leather two-seater and sink into the comfort of the cushions.

"What's going on Louis?" Niall says sitting beside me, his face scrunching up with concern as he takes in my disheveled appearance. 

"Harry and I fought" I take a deep breath and blink hard. 

"OK that makes sense" he chews on his bottom lip.

"But you guys have fought before what's different about this time. It's never been this bad." He continues. 

I turn away from him and stare at my living room. The space that we decorated together. Tears gather in my eyes as they find the framed picture of our wedding day. 

"Louis I need you to tell me what happened" 

"I did something bad Ni" I croak and then break down. He engulfs me in a warm hug, pulls my head onto his shoulder, and rubs down my back. 

"I fucked up Ni" I shake in his embrace.

"Oh Lou, you poor thing" 

By the time I'm done crying Niall and I are nestling warm cups of tea in our hands and I can feel his worried gaze on me. 

"You sure you don't want to eat something?" He asks. Suddenly I feel like a terrible host, I'm the that's supposed to be asking that. I shake my head. 

A heavy silence passes.

"I had an abortion" I blurt out. His teacup stops halfway to his lips. 

"Two weeks ago. I had an abortion two weeks ago" 

He sets down his cup on the coffee table in front of us and folds his hands in his lap. I expect to feel him shift away from me, to look at me with the same look that was on Harry's face. Like I'm a traitorous murderous impostor. Instead, I feel him take my hands in his palms. 

"Harry found out last night and he confronted me about it" I go on. 

"OK." He responds. 

He looks me straight in the eyes. 

"Louis that is Ok. It is your body and it is your choice. do you understand?" 

"Do you understand me Louis? You had every right to do what you did." He reiterates. 

He always knows just what to say to make me feel better. But it doesn't work this time, I don't feel better, I feel like a piece of shit. 

"I hurt him Ni" 

"yeah well i don't expect him to get over it but he'll come around." He offers me a smile. 

"I'm on your side and I will support you in any way that I can. You guys will get through this" I nod my head because, I agree because I have decided that we will.

"Louis I have to ask-" my stomach clenches. 

"The reason you didn't tell Harry..." his voice sounds distant and faraway. 

"Louis, was Harry the father?"


	4. chapter four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 12 years earlier

“Why exactly are you joining the debate club?” asks Jamal as he slides into the bench in front of me, his lunch tray in his hands.

I shrug and pluck a fry from his tray. He smacks my hand.

“Hey!” I protest.

“Watch it Styles”

“But I’m hungry !!” I whine.

“it’s not my fault you leave class super early because of a certain omega.”

My cheeks heat up.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about”

“so, you’re gonna act like you haven’t been obsessed with the same omega for the past two weeks.” Jamal scoffs.

I scowl at him and he raises a perfectly shaped eyebrow at me.

I try to think up a response but then I am distracted by the group of four students that walk into the cafeteria. All of a sudden, the noise of conversations and cutleries in the cafeteria cuts out and all I can sense is the omega trailing behind the group. His hair isn’t styled so it falls softly around his heart-shaped face, the tips brushing his high cheekbones. He’s still wearing his blazer even though no one wears theirs after noon, come to think of it I don’t think I’ve ever seen him without it. Beside him is another omega that I’ve seen him with before in the hallways. I want to know what the blonde says that makes Louis smile, I want to be the one making him laugh, I wish it was my blazer he was wearing, I want to be the one carrying the heavy backpack that makes him visibly strain.

“Woah there bud, you need to chill” pipes Jamal.

“Sorry” I mutter. Realizing that my alpha pheromones are currently seeping into the air.

Jamal turns his torso around in his seat to stare at the object of my attention.

“He’s late today” He comments.

“he has to help Mr. Peterson grade tests on Wednesdays” I blurt.

Jamal turns back and gives me a side-eye.

“you know what I’m not even gonna ask”

I bow my head and stare at my empty tray in front of me. I’m happy Jamal doesn’t ask because I really don’t think I understand my feelings right now any more than I did two weeks ago.

“I take it you’re joining the debate club so you can have an excuse to talk to him seeing as he is the president of the club?”

“I’m not-“

“seriously Harry, don’t think that you can lie to me?”

I heave a disgruntled sigh and rest my head against the table.

“what am I supposed to do? It’s like I just want to be around him which is weird because I feel so nervous and scared when he’s anywhere near me but at the same time I feel this adrenaline coursing through my veins”

“Oh Harry, you should have come to me earlier. “

I feel his lithe fingers bury themselves in my hair. He’s right, I should have come to him for advice because if there’s anyone who knows anything about omegas it’s Jamal. But Louis isn’t like any other omega I’ve met, which is terribly cliché but frighteningly true.

“don’t you have his number?” Jamal asks.

I groan “Don’t remind me“

Aside from our first interaction on the first day of the school year, I haven’t had any other interaction with the omega. He gave me his number that day ‘don’t be afraid to text me or even call me if you need help with anything’ he said in that smooth high voice of his.

“you know how I am on the phone. I can’t text to save my life” I had been too scared of oversharing or weirding him out so I refrained from contacting him.

“well here’s your chance to talk to him cuz he’s heading this way”

My head shoots up my eyes darting around as I process Mal’s words. He’s right, Louis is currently meandering around all the many tables and students that crowded the large room towards the end of the cafeteria were Mal and I currently sit.

“Harry, I need you to pull out the good old Styles charm okay.” Jamal encouraged. I nodded, because not to sound like a douchey alpha but I’ve never had any problem with omegas before. I was always just nice to them and in return, they were nice back and many of them ended up developing crushes on me in the long run.

“Hey guys!” greets Louis as he comes to a stop in front of the circular table standing a few strides away from were Jamal sat.

“Hi Louis!” I say while Jamal wiggles three fingers in a weak attempt at a wave. From Louis's body language I can tell that he’s nervous but determined. I am unsure if the nervousness is due to the effect Jamal generally has on people with his confident yet graceful mannerisms and unconventionally attractive features or from the prospect of talking to me.

“I’m gonna catch up with some friends. It was nice seeing you Louis.” Says Jamal as he slides out of his bench half-full tray in hand. He smirks at me from behind Louis before turning and walking away hips swaying.

Louis clears his throat as some tension leaves his shoulders.

“Um. Is it okay if I sit here?”

“yeah of course” I nod. He takes Jamal’s former seat pulling his blazer tighter around himself as if to deter the nervous scent that drifted of him.

“so I wanted to ask you a couple of questions, mostly about how you’re doing with school” he states meeting my eyes courageously.

“if I’m being honest It’s been pretty good. I’m up to date with the classes which is great because lagging behind would have sucked, especially with those weekly quizzes.” I try to keep my cool while talking because say one thing for Louis Tomlinson, say that when you talk to him he listens. It’s a real struggle to not stutter or look away while his shrewd bright blue eyes stare into mine his head nodding, his feathery hair swaying when he nods.

“That’s great!” He grins as though me not failing is the best news in the world.

“Have you picked any electives yet or are you looking at any sports teams?” He asks.

“I’ve actually signed up for the basketball team tryouts on Friday and…” I’m not sure if I should tell him about my interest in the debate club. It would definitely be weird to tell him that but it would be even weirder if I showed up for the meeting in thirty minutes without letting him know now that I have the chance.

He nods encouragingly.

“the uh the debate club”

His face lights up as I finish the line.

“That’s brilliant!!” of course he wouldn’t suspect that I had any ulterior motives.

“I’m heading there right after lunch. Do you mind going with me? I’d rather not get lost on the way to the uhh..” I struggle to remember the venue of the upcoming meeting.

“the Marvin Johnson theater” Louis provides.

“Yes there!! Christ, I’m terrible at this whole adapting to a new environment thing aren’t I” it’s supposed to be a joke but it comes out a little sharper than I intend.

Louis is quick to reassure me.

“No, not at all. I’ve been talking to your teachers and they say you’ve been doing well” the words leave his lips in a rush.

“you’ve been asking about me?” I smirk at him even though internally I’m freaking out. My heart beats faster at the thought of Louis thinking about me talkless of asking about me. It occurs to me that I should probably be worried about what exactly my teachers said.

“Uhm yes? I have to keep tabs on you. It’s kind of my job and I figured that since you hadn’t contacted me…that you were adjusting pretty well.” He stammers in an attempt to save face.

I suddenly feel very guilty about not calling or even texting him. He must think I feel like I don’t need him or worse that I hate him. I now realize why he was nervous about approaching me, I want to bash my head into a wall or slap my forehead really hard.

“listen Louis about that-“

“James!!” Louis exclaims waving at a figure behind me. I turn to see who it is and I feel my irritation grow when I see a dark-haired alpha wave back and start walking towards us.

“Lou, what are you still doing here the meeting starts in twenty minutes?”

Lou.

“well, I’m happy to inform you, Jamie, that I am bringing in a new member!” Louis is smiling at this new alpha.

Lou. Jamie.

“Really?” by the time he’s by the table I have decided that I don’t like James with his stupid slicked back hair and perfectly ironed button-up shirt. Even the posh accent that everyone in this school has, including Louis who manages to make it sexy, sounds grating from his mouth.

“Yeah!! Harry right here signed up online” Louis gestures towards me. James gives me a nod, an action that seems to serve as a means of acknowledgment and as a greeting amongst alphas at St Francis.

I’m still reeling from _Lou_ and J _amie_ so I don’t notice when Louis is getting ready to leave.

“Here let me get that” James reaches across the table and to take Louis's bulging backpack.

Louis blushes and hands it over.

“Thank you”

That’s when I realize that I hate James because now I understand that even though he may not be attracted to Louis in the same way that I (think) am, I am probably not the only alpha that has noticed how pretty, shapely and smart Louis Tomlinson is.

“Harry? You coming?” Louis asks meekly.

It’s looking into those bright blue eyes that I decide that I will do everything possible to become a planet in the orbit that is Louis Tomlinson’s world.

I flash a dimpled smile.

“Yeah, gimme a minute”


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry talk for the first time since that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all the comments and support !!. it makes me very happy to know that some of you are enjoying this. This chapter is way longer than my usual chapters (i got really carried away with the story) any way ENJOY!

Niall is staring at me expectantly.

I want to answer his question so I do.

“The baby was Harry’s”

I don’t think Niall believes me though. I don’t believe myself either because I don’t know if the baby was Harry's and I don’t know because I don’t know what happened that night and I don’t know what happened because I cannot let myself think back to that night. My brain has blocked out what happened because it knows that if I let myself think about what happened I will slip off the edge.

“All right” Mercifully, Niall accepts my answer.

Then the annoying ringing of the landline comes from the kitchen. This new sound reawakens my headache, now I can feel the pounding of my brain behind my eyes. Every second that it continues to ring causes my head to hurt more. It is as though my brain is trying to escape my skull.

“I’ll get it” volunteers Niall when he sees my face.

He goes into the kitchen and the ringing stops but my headache doesn’t. I recognize now that I haven’t eaten or drank water in more than twelve hours and coupled with the vomiting I did this morning I am most definitely dehydrated. I glance at my full teacup, the tea inside is cold now and I’m sure that even if it wasn’t I wouldn’t have drunk it.

“Louis?” it’s Niall, he’s holding the slim phone in his hand holding it out.

“it’s the pharmacy they want to talk to you”

I nod and take it from him. I wet my lips, my saliva is bitter and stale.

“Hello,” I say into the microphone. It comes out like more of a question than a greeting.

“Is this Mr. Louis Tomlinson-Styles?” the voice is female and from the practiced friendly yet professional property of her tone I can tell that this is a call she regularly makes.

“Yes, this is he”

“I‘m calling on behalf of Barney’s Pharmaceuticals, it seems as though your husband hasn’t picked up his refill of ..” she pauses to read something.

“Ziprasidone. I’m afraid the two-week window we allow for holding on to refills ends today” she finishes.

His meds. Harry hasn’t taken his meds for two weeks. I want to throw up. While my husband was going through the hardest case of his career, working late nights and researching I was out partying trying to forget what I had done. He was already on edge from his case and not taking his meds, I just had to make it worse by doing all of this. I feel tears well up in my eyes. Niall looks at me worriedly.

“I’ll pick it up today” I interrupt her droning.

She falters but quickly responds. “That would be ideal. Thank you and have a good day Mr. Tomlinson-Styles.” Then the phone goes quiet. I stare at the phone in my hands. What have I done?

“Louis, what was it?”

“His meds. Harry hasn’t gotten a refill in two weeks.” I try to make my voice steady but I fail miserably on the last syllable. Then I’m crying again. Quietly this time, tears roll down my cheeks. 

“Niall I’m supposed to remind him. I’m supposed to be there for him. What kind of omega doesn’t check if his alpha has been taking his meds? What kind of omega goes two weeks without having a conversation with their alpha?”

My grandmother would roll over in her grave if she knew what I had done. Years of careful thorough training had gone into making me the perfect omega. From the moment I was born my parents spent their millions on the best teachers and the best trainers, nothing less than the very best for their only child.

I was born when my parents had already made their fortune. My father had become the CEO of a major IT company that provided special protection for sensitive information of institutions like banks, hospitals, and government branches. My mother was the assistant director of the IRS for five years, the first-ever woman to occupy such a position. They had met when my dad was nothing more than a low-level employee who visited the branch where my mother worked hoping to add the organization to their small but growing list of clientele. Whenever my mom told the story of how they met she would always get this faraway look in her eyes like she was reliving the experience all over again. It’s the look I like to imagine is on my face when I tell the ludicrous story of how Harry and I met. It was after years of dating and career-building that my mother resigned and my father took a backseat in the affairs of the company and decided to start a family.

My birth and conception was something of a miracle. My parents had tried for years to get pregnant. They tried all the natural and medical procedures and sometimes Johanna Tomlinson would conceive only to miscarry weeks into her first trimester. They spent as much money as they made on In Vitro Fertilization, they went on crusades to holy places, they went to traditional priests, shamans, and witch doctors but none of it worked. Just when they had given up any hope of getting pregnant, I was conceived. At that time my father was entering his late forties and my mom had just turned forty. It was a shock to everyone they knew and it was big enough that my parents were on the front page of the town newspaper. My mother spent the entire pregnancy in her bed avoiding any movement that wasn’t absolutely necessary. When I was born I spent the first three months of my life without a name. My mom likes to say that they were waiting for a sign to name me and she claims that the sign was when her best friend, a perfectly healthy football star Louise Davenport, died peacefully in her sleep. My mom likes to tell this story like it’s charming and wholesome but deep down I think she was just scared to name me because she was sure I’d die like the others. She couldn’t be more wrong about that. I was born an extremely healthy, chubby, beautiful baby but most importantly I was the first male omega ever in the history of our family from both my mother and father’s sides. It seemed that once again that Mark and Johanna Tomlinson had exceeded all expectations. It made absolutely no sense for this absolutely average beta couple with absolutely mediocre beta genes to be so extremely extraordinary.

“Louis, you’ve been through a lot these past few weeks. You can’t blame yourself for this.” Niall tries to comfort me. He’s staring at me but I want him to look away I don’t want him to see how close I am to falling apart.

He looks at my discarded tea and frowns.

“Louis, have you eaten today?”

I don’t answer but then I feel my stomach clench in response.

“Louis if you’re relapsing.” Niall starts.

“I’m fine okay!! There’s just a lot going on right now”

Niall sighs “That’s my point, Louis. Please let me know if it’s getting too much, Okay. You promised.”

I nod. He stares for another second and sighs.

“I’m going to make you a sandwich” he gets up and goes into the kitchen.

I feel like a child. I want my mom. I want her to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay. Where has all my resolve from earlier gone? Why do I want to break down all over again? My omega doesn’t answer any of my questions. I remember my mom’s voice mail, I want to listen to it and hear her comforting words and then call her and cry but first I need to be alone.

I get off the couch. I stop for a few seconds as stars dance in my vision and my head swims. Again I feel like throwing up and for a few seconds, my stomach churns. I make my way to the kitchen. I stop in the threshold and watch Niall navigate around my kitchen for a few minutes before I say anything.

“will you drive me to the pharmacy? I’m not sure I can drive right now”

He nearly drops the teacup he’d drying with a towel.

“Jesus Lou”

I nearly smile.

“sure but I want you to eat first” he points the towel-covered hand at the island where a plate sits with two ham sandwiches.

I walk towards the sandwiches but I don’t sit down. I don’t think I’m ever going to sit at this table again. I take a bite out of a sandwich. I chew three times before I swallow. It tastes like cardboard and feels like sandpaper in my throat.

Niall places a bottle of water in front of me.

“here” I nod and mouth thank you. He smiles and goes back to putting things in place.

After I gulp down half of the water in thirst I try to make small talk.

“So how are things with Zayn?”

Niall finishes up and pulls out a chair and relaxes into it. I’m not stupid enough to hope that he doesn’t notice how I’m eating standing up. I take another bite of the sandwich and drink some water immediately after, it still tastes like dust but at least I can swallow it.

“where do I even start?” Niall huffs. I wait for him to continue.

“he got a new manager you know. I was so happy he’d ditched Patrick, that slob, we had a little party to celebrate. But he just so happened to forget to mention that his new manager is an omega. Of course, I was pissed because he could have told me first. I tell him that I’m pissed and he gets mad at me because apparently I’m making him feel like he has to ask my permission” I smile encouragingly wanting him to continue, it’s a relief to concern myself with someone else’s problems. I finish the sandwich.

“We had a huge row and he apologized and then I apologized and we had sex.” I laugh when he’s done because I remember when Harry and I’s fights would end in a passionate night of lovemaking instead of days of crippling guilty silence.

“and then I met her and we fought again because she fucking gorgeous and I’m insecure.”

“NI!!” I chuckle.

He smiles.

“you feeling better?”

I do feel better. Niall’s little anecdote has reminded me of how Harry and I were before all of this and I’ll be damned if I don’t do my best to get us back there.

“yeah,” I smile.

“I’m gonna put on some clothes and we can head to the pharmacy.”

The pharmacy is nearly empty thankfully. It’s a hot summer day so I’m wearing a pair of leggings and a Queen t-shirt with some flip flops on my sock covered feet. The older couple in front of me is bickering loudly about which one of them got the prescription wrong, my shirt begins to stick to my neck and I can feel my irritation growing. I look around the pharmacy for an AC when I see him.

I don’t know him but he’s looking at me. Not really looking so much as staring. He’s wearing a t-shirt and a pair of loose-fitting jeans. His face is plain and his hair is mussed, to call him attractive would be a stretch but so would calling him ugly. He stood near the row of supplements, a jar of Flinstones gummies in his hand. When we make eye contact I smile at him in a way that is supposed to be friendly but I can’t tell if it works because his face is straight and unmoving.

He starts walking towards the line, towards me.

The couple has finally given the pharmacist their prescription, the pharmacist has since then disappeared into the backroom to get their drugs.

He’s standing behind me now and that’s when I smell it. Alpha.

My omega is suddenly very aware and very wary of this man.

He’s so close to me now that I can feel his hot breath on the back of my ears. I feel him press himself against me his chest against my back.

I mentally facepalm, why did I insist that Niall stay in the car. There’s so much going on in my life right now and I am in no mood to add being assaulted in public to the long list of things I need to tell my therapist about.

“Sir, I’m going to need you to take a step back,” I say.

He ignores me and jerks his pelvis forward rutting against my ass. Whatever patience I had disappears then and I turn in a flash, my fist clenched. Before I’ve turned 180 degrees he’s on the floor, his nose a bloody broken mess.

The old lady screams and her partner pulls her closer a paper bag of prescription pills in his hand.

My knuckles are bleeding and my hand is shaking but I don’t pay It any attention. I step forward in the line and the couple shuffles out of my way and out of the pharmacy in a hurry.

“Louis Tomlinson-styles here to pick up a prescription for Harry styles”

The pharmacist stares at me slack-jawed. He takes a minute to compute what has just happened.

“Uhm date of birth please” he stutters after typing into the system on the counter.

I try to answer his question while ignoring the groans of pain coming from the man laying sprawled out on the floor.

He heads in the back. I step over the body on the floor and grab some bandages, methylated spirits, and cotton balls from the shelves of the store.

By the time I’m back at the counter, the pathetic alpha has disappeared leaving a puddle of dark blood in his wake.

The pharmacist rings up the items quickly, I can tell he wants me gone. When he hands me a paper bag with my things inside I smile innocently at him.

“Thank you, Ben!!” I say reading his nametag and with that, I’m gone. I make a mental note to never come there again.

I’m sitting in the passenger seat of Niall’s car before I breathe again.

“Louis” he’s staring at my hand.

“Louis, what happened to your hand?” Niall asks.

I feel like I’m floating. I’m high off the power that came with punching that jerk. I’m heady with the satisfaction of hearing the crunch of his nose and feeling the bones break beneath my fist.

I laugh out loud. Niall shoots me a concerned look.

“Let’s go see Harry Niall!!” I exclaim. The smile on my face hurts but I can’t stop smiling and I can’t stop laughing either.

Soon Niall has been driving for fifteen minutes and I’m almost done wrapping my bruised knuckles in bandages, the ghost of a smile on my face. We turn off the highway and onto the familiar road that leads to Niall and Zayn’s estate.

“I punched a pervert in the face and it was the best feeling ever” I announce.

Niall frowns and then his frown slowly morphs into a grin and then he’s laughing and I’m laughing and then we’re there, parked in front of one of the many identical duplexes that make up Niall’s estate.

He turns to me smiling. “You ready?”

I take a deep breath and steel myself.

“ready as I’ll ever be.” I push the car door open and I step onto the dark concrete of Niall’s driveway.

“I texted Zayn that we were coming,” Niall tells me after rounding the car and standing by my side. He takes my hands in his and looks at me.

“You’re gonna be fine ok. Remember this is Harry”

I gulp and smile. The high I felt has long since run out but I’m not scared either. It’s just Harry.

Niall and I walk up to the front door. He inserts his key into the keyhole, turns it, and pushes the door open.

“we’re here” he yells into the air.

Niall’s home is styled in a way that every inch of space is occupied. There are paintbrushes in the kitchen sink and a lab coat hanging from a hanger in the foyer. The walls are decorated with a nursing degree and ten different paintings of varying colors, styles, and media. The house is definitely not clean but it’s not messy either. It’s warm and comfortable and the thought of going back to my sterile, sparkly house scares me. A smile creeps onto my face as I remember when Harry and I used to live like this.

Niall follows the sound of the television to their living room which is really just a space with two couches, a coffee table, and a TV. I note, as I step into the living room, that it’s roughly the same size as my bathroom.

Zayn and Harry are seated on a couch with a can of beer in hand and they’re shouting at the tv.

“c’mon what sort of referee is this? That was clearly an offside!!” Zayn yells.

“HA!! Even if it was there are only ten more minutes on the clock. Admit it, you lose” Laughs Harry. 

“no way, we still have the penalties” mumbles Zayn.

Niall clears his throat loudly.

Zayn and Harry finally look away from the television and at us.

“Oh hey babe, I was wondering how long you’d be gone,” Zayn says. “and you brought Louis!!”

Niall furrows his brow in disbelief.

“did you not get my text?” Questions Niall.

I can feel Harry’s eyes on me but I avoid them and focus on Zayn as he digs through the clutter of beer cans and Chinese food on the coffee table looking for his phone. Before he finds it Niall is bounding towards him.

“I thought I told you that I was going to check on Louis!!” He stumps his foot when he stands in front of Zayn.

“JUST LOOK AT THIS MESS!!” Niall is definitely upset. Zayn finally rises from his spot on the couch. Their height difference makes the scene comical.

“I lost track of time babe, I’m so sorry” Niall snatches the tv remote from Zayn and turns of the television.

“I want this mess cleaned up Zayn”

“Louis” I was so distracted by Zayn and Niall that I didn’t notice when Harry got up. He’s standing in front of me now, his face unreadable. I gulp and hold out the paper bag that I’ve been clutching tightly.

“I brought you your meds” I whisper.

He sighs and drags a hand through his hair.

“come on let’s talk in the kitchen”

He takes my hand and guides me to the kitchen which is really just a pantry with a stove and a sink. He lets go of my hand, leans against the counter, and takes me in from head to toe his eyes lingering at the bandages. I try not to miss the feeling of his rough hand that still has callouses even though he’d stopped playing basketball years ago.

I take a deep breath.

“you haven’t been taking your meds” I start.

“no I haven’t“ he reiterates.

“It was Liverpool versus Chelsea!!” comes from the living room causing both Harry and I to chuckle at the same time. Some of the tension eases.

His smile vanishes as his eyes rest on my injured hand.

“What happened to your hand?” he reaches for it but he stops himself midway.

“I kind of.. punched someone. “ suddenly I’m not so proud of what I did. I wait for Harry’s reaction. My heart stutters when his mouth tilts in a smirk.

“I take it they look a lot worse than you do”

“broken nose”

He smiles at me now and I can see how much it hurts him.

“Listen, Harry, I’m not going to beg for you to come home because I know you need to be on your own for a while “

He’s staring at me intently. I try to steel my nerves.

“I’m sorry Harry, for what I did. When you decide that you’re ready for an explanation, you know where to find me.” Now that I’ve said all this I feel more confident even though Harry gives no sign that he’s any less angry with me.

I’m about to go find Niall to take me home so I can call my mom and cry when I hear him.

“I’ll be home tomorrow night. The final hearing is on Monday so I need some semblance of normalcy if I'm going to win the case.”

I look at him and he looks at me. We stare at each other for a few minutes.

He looks tired and angry. His stubble is nearly a full beard. He’s wearing one of Zayn’s shirts and his sweatpants, so while it fits him, the hem of the shirt is too short and the sweat pants stop at his shins. Right now he looks like a homeless person and I love him so much. I am hit with a flash of determination “I’m going to fix this Haz. I’m not going to lose you” He frowns harder but I can tell by the way his eyes soften that he doesn’t want me to let go of him either.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 12 years earlier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all the support. I feel so happy when I see comments and kudos. Thank you!!

I bounce the basketball against the concrete. I step back and take a shot. The ball goes through the hoop and bounces before coming to a stop in front of the base of the portable basketball hoop.

I scoop the ball into my hands and I run around the driveway bouncing the ball in time. I’m just about to take another shot when I hear him.

“Jesus Christ Harry, it’s four am” I glance in the direction of the voice. Rashad stands on the front steps of the house, a robe tied loosely around his thin frame, flashlight in one hand.

I laugh at the sight of him.

“couldn’t sleep” I explain. I feel a drop of sweat run down my brow and into my left eye. Blinking rapidly I wipe some of the sweat with the bottom of my shirt. My eyes hurt from adjusting to the light. The alpha lenses that allow me to see in the dark retract and my eyeballs sting.

“Are you nervous?”

“Not really. Just had too much energy to sleep”

Rashad nods in understanding. “well I’m awake now, might as well see how good you are” he shrugs off his robe and holds out his palms towards the ball.

“Not sure if that’s a good idea” I laugh.

“what? You’re not scared of some actual competition are you?” I know what he’s trying to do but I humor him and throw the ball at him. I aim a little lower forcing him to bend to catch it. He’s too late and it bounces away. 

“mother fucker!” he curses going to where the ball has rolled off to. 

“you sure you want to do this?” I ask. His response is a ball to the head. I catch it mid-air before it can knock my head of my shoulders with the amount of force behind it. My palms sting where they hold the ball. I grin.

The sky is beginning to turn pink with the coming of dawn. Rashad is sitting next to me his breathing labored. I twirl the basketball in my hands and spin it on my finger.

“damn kid you got some serious stamina.” He pants. He’s wrong though. I am currently extremely tired and weak. My limbs feel heavy and I have no idea how I’m going to get off this driveway. The only reason he can say that is because I am ridiculously good at hiding my fatigue. I smirk.

“yeah well I had to be if I was ever going to use the hoops at Jefferson”

Rashad laughs.

“I see Malik is as ruthless as I remember”

“HA!” I laugh “he won’t let anyone who can’t land three consecutive hook shots step foot on that court.”

Rashad chuckles.

“why are out trying out for the team anyway? You never cared about joining when you went to Jefferson”

The answer comes to me quickly. It's not something I've said before but it’s something I’ve thought long and hard about.

“I’m gonna need a scholarship if I’m going to go to college.” I breathe in the damp morning air.

“My grades are good but not the best and they’re never going to be, no matter how hard I study. But this, basketball, I’m sure that if I work hard enough I can use it you know?”

Rashad nods in understanding. “I’m proud of you kid. I know I say that every five seconds but I am. You’ve been through so much and you’ve changed too. Don’t get me wrong you were fine before spring but now….”

He’s right. The Harry that existed before spring is long gone. I grimace at the thought of all the time and resources I’d wasted back when I’d been so hopeful and naïve. I thought things would remain the same forever but I was so wrong. 

“Thank you, I’m really grateful for everything you’ve done”

He waves off my gratitude and continues.

“bah, your mom would have done the same for Jamal if the roles were reversed.”

I don’t like talking about my mother so I change the subject.

“so why were you awake at four a.m?”

He laughs but this time it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“oh Harry, I suppose nothing gets past you eh” he sounds tired and not just from the game we just played. He sounds like he’s been tired for a long time. I am now acutely aware of the deepening crow’s feet at the corner of his eyes, the new liver spots that appear on his neck, and the way his skin looks paper-thin.

“Is everything ok?” I ask quietly. A part of me hopes that he didn’t hear me so that if there is something wrong, I can go on pretending that there isn’t for as long as possible. I’m done with life-changing news.

“I’m worried about him” it takes me a second to realize that he’s talking about Jamal. I relax because this is familiar. We’ve had this talk before.

I chuckle “has there been a month where we didn’t file a missing person’s report for him?” I joke. It’s an old joke, one that we take turns telling whenever we worry. It’s not funny but I think that when you’re driving around town looking for your son or ransacking a stranger’s house after a party, you’re not looking to laugh. At that moment the only thing you're looking for is someone else who is equally as worried if not more, someone else who would lose just as much as you if you didn’t find who you were looking for.

“I’m scared Harry” 

I frown. I also worry about Jamal. I’ve been worrying about Jamal since I was five years old, but if I start acting on my worries, if I start telling him to stop seeing so many alphas or ease up on the partying or even take it easy, he’s going to shrink away and shut me out. My best bet is to stay close to him, follow him everywhere, weigh him down so he doesn’t float away.

“I’m scared that one day he’ll walk out that door and never come back. That I’ll wave my last goodbye without even knowing it.”

Jamal has always been flighty, he treats people like how a toddler treats toys. He pretends like it’s quirky and funny but I’ve known him forever and I know how scared he is of being alone, of being left behind. Abandonment issues plus a freakishly short attention span as a result of ADHD, sprinkled with some major daddy issues on top is a ticking time bomb. 

“you look terrible Harry” Jamal states with a teasing smile on his face. He’s leaning against the locker to the right of me while I search mine for my literature text.

“couldn’t sleep” I mutter. Finally, my fingers find the spine of the thin book.

Jamal’s face scrunches when he sees the book in my hand.

“Still can’t believe you’re taking AP literature”

“it’ll look good on my application and this one’s actually interesting” I hold up Castle of Otranto “plus Louis is in it”

Jamal laughs and kicks off the lockers.

I follow behind him as we fight our way through the throng of students who have just arrived and are rushing to their lockers, hoping to get their things before the bell goes off.

We’re just about to go our separate ways when a head of bright red hair comes rushing towards us. 

In the past two weeks, I have managed to make almost no friends. I mean I transferred into the senior year, everyone is already cemented in their friend groups so I completely understand. Jamal, however, has quite the fan club of Alphas, betas, and omegas who want to date him, sleep with him, or simply befriend him respectively. The only mutual friend we have is a funny, weirdly athletic redhead named Oliver Dunne.

Oliver comes to stop in front of us, sweat glistening on his forehead.

“you’re late” Jamal remarks smirking. He seems to be quite the observer this morning.

“yeah well, I thought running five miles to school would be a good idea” He pants. Oliver is also part of the Basketball team. He’s been on it since freshman year, the single freshman on a team of alpha seniors and juniors. He has also managed to weather through the yearly team tryouts were Coach Waterson makes those trying out for the team and those already on it go through the same trials and in the end, he drafts a brand-new team list. It’s rumored to be easier to get on the team than it is to stay there because of how quick Waterson is to hold his players to an impossibly high standard.

Oliver pushes his blazer into Jamal’s hands and thrusts his backpack into mine.

“wait here while I get some stuff from my locker.” He says while moving around us.

Jamal regards the worn, old, patched up blazer with irritation.

I laugh internally, Oliver is the only other middle-class kid in this school, he might even be a little below middle class, and even though he’s been going to this school for years, and he’s seen students crash their cars and get new ones weekly, he’s extremely frugal. Thus, being his reason for having the same school blazer for the past three years. . I see him shut his locker and make his back to us.

“Dunne. Blazer on now!” A passing teacher yells.

“right away Ms. Wilson.” He answers pointing at the item in Jamal’s hands.

Ms. Wilson narrows her beady eyes then turns away.

“that bitch confiscated my pants” Jamal scowls.

I laugh remembering the pair of trousers that he wore on his first day.

“she actually waited in front of the student bathroom while I changed out of them.” He shivers at the memory.

The warning bell goes off leaving us five minutes to get to our classes.

“well, I’ll see you, gentlemen, later.” Jamal turns to me. “Harry” he nods.

Then he turns to Oliver makes perfect eye contact, smiles innocently then stands on his tiptoes and wraps the blazer around Oliver’s broad shoulders.

“Alpha” he pats the school crest on Oliver’s breast pocket, right over his heart, and then he’s gone.

Oliver’s face is almost as red as his hair.

I laugh “you can’t let him get to you like that dude” I advise handing him his backpack and we start walking.

“easy for you to say! You’ve had years to get used to him” we’re almost at our Literature class.

“He’s not going to stop if you keep reacting like that” I pull open the door to the almost full class.

Oliver makes a disgruntled sound but my eyes and attention have already shifted to a certain omega. I leave Oliver standing by the door and make my way to sit right next to Louis.

He looks up as I slide into the desk by his left.

“Hey” he smiles.

“Hello” I smile. We stare at each other for a while before he goes back to reading his copy of Castle of Otranto, a faint blush on his cheeks. We've been texting each other a lot since I went to my first debate club meeting. We like to say we're just talking about club stuff but the chad dog memes and videos of cute cats in our chats would prove different. I hear the bell go off in the hallways and relax into my chair.

I stare at him for a full five minutes before he looks up again.

“what?”

“Nothing, you're just really pretty”

He blushes furiously and rolls his eyes.

“Jesus Christ Harry” he refuses to look up from the book in front of him.

I’m about to say something else when a yawn forces my mouth open.

Louis is looking at me now.

“you look tired” he states.

I nod and smile lazily suddenly feeling very tired.

“I take it you didn’t sleep very well last night.” He continues.

My eyelids are heavy and it’s a struggle to keep them open.

Numerous phones chime at the same time including mine and Louis. It's probably an email about the class but I’m too lazy to pull out my phone from my backpack so I try to lean close enough to see what it says on Louis screen. He opens the email and smiles after scanning it.

“class is canceled. Mr. Kane has a family emergency.” My face must be slow to react to the good news because Louis's smile turns into a concerned frown. The class erupts in a chorus of celebrations and the sound of people rushing to leave.

“you should take a nap, I’ll wake you up before next period” He suggests. I try to look like I’m considering it when in reality my sleep-deprived brain only wants to shut down for the next six hours.

“go on, I’ll hang around and watch your stuff” he prods.

I nod and cradle my head in my arms that are now folded across my desk. “you sure?” I ask. I can feel my eyes closing.

“yeah,” he nods and smiles encouragingly. Is he ever not smiling? My brain thinks its last thought and then goes off, the whisper of a thank you on my lips.

Before I drift off completely I hear someone talking to Louis.

“Hey, Louis, the guys and I are going to practice for a bit I wanted to ask Harry if he’s interested.” It’s Oliver, his lack of a posh accent and stilted r’s betraying him.

Louis takes time to consider.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, he looked really tired. But I’ll tell him you asked and maybe you guys can practice again during lunch?” Louis's voice is polite but stern.

“alright. See you around Louis” as soon as he’s gone I open my eyes a little and I see that the class is now empty but Louis is still here, sitting at his desk, right next to me reading the Castle of Otranto. 

“Harry” I feel someone gently shaking me awake. I groan and mumble something that’s supposed to be Leave me alone but it comes out as a string of gibberish.

I hear Louis giggle.

“Ugh, he’s drooling,” a voice says in disgust.

“aww” Louis coos. I smile involuntarily at the sound and Jamal is quick to notice.

“wake up you lazy cow” by the time I realize my mistake, he’s smacking the back of my head with a book.

“oww!!” I cry.

I finally sit up and pry open my eyes. Jamal is staring down at me, arms akimbo. Louis is standing next to him a mix of a smile and a hint of guilt on his face.

I smile groggily at Louis who giggles again. I’m unable to enjoy this because Jamal is back to hitting me.

“get up you oaf”

“ok ok, Jesus” I push myself out of my chair and I stretch letting out a moan when I feel my back crack.

“now that was a power nap” I comment while wiping drool from my chin with my sleeve.

Jamal scowls at me.

“we’re going to be late for precalc and I don’t like the idea of staying behind for five minutes after class.” Jamal is already moving towards the door.

I pick up my backpack from the floor and stuff my book inside it.

“thank you so much, you have no idea how much I needed that.” I walk up to Louis who is now halfway sitting on a desk.

“no worries I barely even knew you were there… until you started snoring.” He teases. I laugh.

“Harry!!” yells Jamal from the hallway.

“so I’ll see you at tryouts right?” I ask hopefully

Louis bites his bottom lip hesitantly. I try to not stare.

“oh alright,” he smiles.

“awesome” I’m walking backward trying to get to the door without breaking eye contact with Louis.

“You’ll be my personal cheerleader” he rolls his eyes. And with the mental image of Louis in a cheerleading uniform, I step into the hallway.

Jamal is waiting for me with a smirk on his face.

“what?” I ask.

“nothing” he shrugs and then starts speed walking towards the science building.

I can’t breathe, my legs feel like jelly, my lungs are on fire and I stopped being able to swallow after mile six.

Oliver is running beside me our feet moving in unison trying our best to get to the finish line were Coach Waterson stands with a stopwatch in hand. The only other people keeping up with us are Declan Mcain, captain of the team, Jason Fletcher, and James Davenport (or _Jamie_ to some people-Louis-), all veterans of the team. We’re almost at the line and I’m positively terrified that I’ll hear Coach say again like he has nine times before. I’m tempted to look behind me and see who has fallen behind or given up completely but I know that even a glance will cost me energy that I, frankly, do not have.

Almost there. We’re almost there. In a burst to finish this grueling exercise as soon as possible, I push past Oliver and sprint to the line. I’ve barely come to a stop and I can already feel my head swimming. I’m grateful that I skipped lunch when I see someone throw up on the red surface of the track.

“fifty-five minutes” announces coach Waterson. He scans the crowd of exhausted alphas many of whom are doubled up vomiting and others pouring bottle after bottle of water down their shirts and over their heads.

“pathetic” he spits.

“I’m seeing bellies. I’m seeing bones. I’m seeing alphas who can’t be bothered to keep their bodies in peak physical form but want a spot on my team.” He rants.

“I’m looking at a team who ran this same exercise in twenty-five minutes last year” he continues. He folds his arms and spits a wad of saliva onto the tracks.

“in five minutes we will begin the second phase of the tryouts. Be on the court in three.”

Oliver and I groan at the same time.

The initial group of forty alphas that started this exercise has thinned out to fifteen. And the fifteen of us are in no shape to be dribbling basketballs.

“he’s doubled the distance since last year!!” complains Oliver.

Someone grunts in agreement.

“Last year’s tryouts were only five miles” they chime.

I want to join in and complain but my tongue tastes like sand. I go to the stands were Louis and Jamal sit amongst the other friends and well-wishers of the alphas trying out today.

I sit on the row below them and face them.

“water” I croak. Jamal digs through my duffel bag and produces a green Nike water bottle.

I gulp down the water quickly. I can feel my muscles pulsing through my skin. Oliver shows up and slides in next to me, a bottle of water already in his hand.

“you guys okay?” Jamal asks.

“we’re fine” Oliver answers despite what he said only seconds earlier on the track. Jamal frowns as Oliver pulls off his soaked shirt and wrings it, drops of sweat dripping out.

Louis’s staring at me his face pale. He looks like he’s going to be sick.

I flash what I hope is a reassuring smile, but that makes him frown even harder.

“We have to get going now,” I say to Oliver.

He nods and digs through his duffel bag, pulling out a clean shirt. I wish I’d thought of that, my shirt is already beginning to dry and smell despite the layers of deodorant I put on in the boy’s locker room.

“Hey, cheer up guys. It looks a lot harder than it is” Oliver says pushing his head and arms into the fresh shirt. Louis manages a weak smile and Jamal raises an eyebrow in disbelief.

“yeah.” I echo. “You’re supposed to be our cheerleaders” I tease.

Louis lets out a real smile and I can see Jamal struggle to keep a straight face.

“Alright, we’re leaving now. Wish us luck” Oliver states.

“Goodluck Harry, Goodluck Oliver” Louis chimes. Jamal is about to say the same thing when Oliver throws his sweat-soaked t-shirt at him. It lands on Jamal’s head. We laugh and slink away before the volcano that is Jamal can erupt.

The rest of the trial is a test of ball control, accuracy, and defense. I coast through these even though my limbs feel like lead. After thirty minutes in which each of us has had a turn with the ball, we are dismissed and Coach announces that the list will be posted by Monday. A part of me hopes I’m not on it because I can't imagine having to go through this level of torture every again. I have the most refreshing shower of my life and now I’m standing in my uniform trying to button my shirt idly listening in one people's conversations when I hear it.

“did you see Tomlinson in the bleachers?” I try to calm myself and look discretely to were the voices come from, I see that it’s Jason Fletcher speaking. He’s sitting with a towel across his shoulders talking to Declan.

“Yeah, I saw him. He was cheering for that new kid at the beginning of the race” Declan responds as he dries his hair, a towel wrapped around his waist.

“never seen him at any of our games. But now he comes to our tryouts” scoffs Jason.

“I’d be angry if he wasn’t so hot” he finishes. My Jaw clenches and my head feels dizzy with anger. Declan shrugs.

“come on Dez don’t tell me you don’t think he’s hot”

“I think he’s pretty but he’s just not my type”

Jason looks at him in disbelief.

“you’re fucking lying”

I can feel my anger rising. I need to leave before I do something stupid.

“I mean he’s a little too thick for my taste if you know what I mean” Jason laughs.

“well, I like having a lot to grab unto” he makes a hand gesture like scooping something and wriggles his eyebrows.

Jason just laughs. "but who was that omega he was sitting with?"

I slam my locker shut, I can barely see past my anger. My head pounds with hunger, fatigue, and anger.

My hands are shaking so I stick them into my pockets. I force myself to walk past them. On my way out I make eye contact with James. We stare at each other for a second and then I storm out before I decide to bash someone's head in.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry's coming home but something happens before he gets home.

I blink my eyes open, my brain whirrs to life. My eyes take in my surroundings. I’m lying on my sofa, a head of bleached blonde hair in my mouth. I spit out the hair from my mouth, but I end up swallowing a hair or two. I choke and cough, my body trying to remove the foreign object. The body lying in front of me groans and raises a hand to swat at me.

“shut up, I’m tryna sleep.” Niall groans. His back is pressed against my front, his body blocking my view of the flat screen tv that’s showing reruns and blaring what sounds like nonsensical static to my sleepy ears. I try to remove my left arm from under him but he refuses to budge. I give up and push him over the edge of the couch.

“You fucking whore!!” he screams. I smile weakly, flexing my arm trying to get blood to flow into the dead limb.

He clutches his shoulder in pain. I throw one of the throw pillows we were sleeping on at him.

“quit being such a drama queen”

He gets up with the help of the coffee table. He leans over me.

“I would kill you if I wasn’t so tired”

I scrunch my nose and wave my hand. “morning breath” I stutter. Niall’s look of anger turns to a smug smile. he bends even closer and exhales through his mouth directly at me. The smell of garlic from last night’s feast of garlic bread and pizza is rancid. I fake a gag.

“get away from me” I push him.

He leaves the living room and goes upstairs, the smug smile still on his face.

I look around at the mess we made last night. Pizza boxes lay empty across the polished hardwood floor, soda cans on the floor and blankets scattered around. I groan.

I get off the couch, my foot lands on something moist I look down and see my toes on the cheese of a half-eaten pizza slice. I sigh and look around for a discarded paper towel. After cleaning the cheese and tomato sauce from my foot I head to Harry and I’s room. On my way, I hear the shower from the guest bathroom turn on and assume that Niall is showering. I enter the master bedroom and go directly to my en suite bathroom. A good long soak would be heavenly right now but I know that leaving Niall alone in my house for more than half an hour is a recipe for disaster. I shrug off my clothes and try to avoid looking at the scale in the bathroom corner, even though I can feel its mocking stare.

I feel heavy and bloated, the compulsion to run off the calories from last night is there but I ignore it.

I brush my teeth quickly before I get into the spray of my shower, a cold blast of water drenches me in minutes. I don’t adjust the temperature. The water helps to wake me up even though by the end of it my teeth are chattering.

I dress up in sweatpants and an old t-shirt. I don’t bother to dry my hair which causes drops of water to drip out whenever I move.

I go downstairs to the living room where I find Niall packing soda cans and pizza boxes into a garbage bag.

“I feel like throwing up” I groan while laying on the couch. A burp comes up my throat, it tastes like pepperoni and ginger ale. Immediately I know that my joke was made in poor taste.

Niall lets out a nervous laugh.

I roll my eyes.

“I’m joking, Ni” he gives me a level stare his face completely straight.

“HaHa” he deadpans.

The only indication that my joke hasn’t completely soured the mood is the fact that Niall makes sure to hit me over the head with the garbage bag on his way to the kitchen.

“I’m going to pack my bags, Zayn’s coming to pick me up soon!!” he yells on his way.

“I thought he was coming by at two o clock?” I question.

“What time do you think it is?” his voice fading along with his retreating figure as he goes back up the stairs.

I glance at my discarded phone on the coffee table.

1:03 pm

Harry’s going to be here in four hours and fifty-seven minutes. I see that I have four missed calls from my mom, I remember now that I haven’t called her since Friday night when I left a weepy drunk voicemail. I groan and dial her number.

The phone rings for barely thirty seconds when she picks up.

“LOUIS??” she yells.

I wince “hey mom”

I hear my dad’s voice in the background asking who it is. “It’s Louis!!” my mom answers.

“hey dad” I mutter.

“Louis, honey. I was so scared!!” she cries.

“I’m sorry about that but everything’s fine now mom”

“Are you sure honey? You sounded really hysterical on Friday.”

I shut my eyes and try to collect my thoughts.

“um, what did I say in that voicemail?”

“you were crying a lot. I could barely hear anything. The only thing I could make out was something about Harry leaving. Honey is everything alright with you guys?” 

I finally breathe again and relax. I have no doubts in my mind about how disappointed my mother would be if she knew what I had done. She would support me of course but I would lose all trust and respect she had for me as a human being. Keeping this from her is the only way I can imagine not burning another bridge. It’s not like this is the first big secret I’ve kept from her.

“Louis?” her worried voice comes over the receiver.

"everything's fine mom. Harry and I just had a fight”

“a fight? was it about the move?”

A loud banging comes from the front door. I’m relieved to have an excuse to leave this conversation.

“Hey mom I’m gonna have to call you back. Zayn’s here to pick Niall up” I don’t wait for a response before I hang up. It’s funny how it never occurred to me that my mom might want to know what’s going on before she offered a shoulder to cry on. Zayn continues to bang on the door.

“I’m coming!!” I scowl, he’s the one that’s early.

I throw the door open and I’m met with a tall dark figure on the porch. This man is not Zayn.

I feel the air leave my lungs. This can’t be happening.

“Louis, it’s been a while” his voice is as rich and smooth as ever.

I try to regain my wits.

I step unto the porch, making sure to shut the door behind me.

“What are you doing here?” I whisper.

“aww c’mon Lou. Is that how you greet a close friend?” he smirks.

“Keep your voice down” I hiss, he just smiles and chuckles.

“I thought we agreed no showing up at my house, Logan” I state trying to sound confident but failing desperately.

He steps closer to me.

“We also agreed that you’d call me every two days” his breath smells like cigars and vodka.

“Logan-“

“don’t Logan me omega” his smile is gone now.

“you’ve ignored my calls for two weeks. You’re lucky I’m not talking to your husband right now. “ he continues.

“you wouldn’t” I choke.

He raises a calloused hand to my chin and forces me to look into his cold dark eyes.

“don’t try me Louis” he muses in a sing-song voice. I can hear the barely contained anger in his voice.

I need to do some damage control before he gets really angry.

“I’ll call you tonight. We can’t do this here”

“why not?” he caresses my cheek.

I try not to flinch away from his touch.

“because Niall is on the other side of this door and his boyfriend is on his way here right now.” I need to make him see reason.

“please Logan. You need to leave. Before someone sees you.” I plead.

He frowns as if finally realizing the circumstances of the situation.

“tonight” he states.

I nod aggressively and repeatedly. I can feel tears gathering in my eyes.

He stares at me for a second before his eyes soften.

“you have no idea what you do to me” he leans down and places his head against my neck. His nose sniffing at my scent gland. I shut my eyes and stay absolutely still.

He pulls away and wipes the tears spilling freely from my eyes.

“you look so pretty when you cry” he brings his thumb to his lips and licks my salty tears.

It takes everything in me not to scream.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 12 years earlier. TW: blood and self-harm

Before I open my eyes, I know. Today is going to be a bad day. My head is cloudy and I feel like there are ants under my skin.

“Haz?” Jamal asks through the door to my room knocking in time with his words. So that’s what woke me up.

I can recognize his voice. Good, I’m not over the edge yet.

“we’re heading to school in thirty minutes H” he continues. When I don’t respond he lingers for a minute before he leaves.

I ponder the possibility of skipping school but I know I can’t. Not today. Today is the debate with St. Matthew’s. I can’t afford to disappoint Louis.

Louis.

His name causes the ants under my skin to heat up.

I need to fix this I can’t go to school like this.

I throw off my blanket and force myself out of my bed. I go through my mental list of ways to calm my alpha.

Exercise

Hot water bath

Meditation

The only thing I have time to do is meditate but the thought of staying still with my skin buzzing makes me want to throw up.

This is bad.

 _Let me out_.

No. Not now.

I pull open my bedroom door and sprint to the only bathroom on this floor.

The voices. The voices are back.

 _We were never really gone_.

My hands are shaking.

I had a good month. My fists are squeezing at the ceramic bowl of the sink. Every time I have a good day or a good week I think, this is it, they’re gone. But they always come back.

Give me today. I just need today. As soon as I think it I know it’s pointless. It doesn’t work like that. _They_ don't work like that.

He’s laughing. Laughing at me. My head fills with visions of every night for ten years. Family dinners spent shaking and crying. My body freezes with fear and terror.

I want to jump out of my skin. I punch my mirror but it doesn’t shatter because I stop my fist before it can connect.

Good, I still have some control. I know what I need to do before I slip completely.

I scramble around the small bathroom. I grab a towel and a shaving stick from the cabinet above the sink.

 _Look at you, imagine what she’d say if she could see you now_.

I blink hard and force the voice from my mind, my vision is already going blurry. I roll up the sleeve of my nightshirt. I barely apply any pressure to the shaving stick in my hand when the plastic shatters.

I press the blade against my arm. The relief is instantaneous.

My skin cools. Blood is running down my arm and into the towel. The voices are quiet, good. I have no time for this, my skin is already beginning to stitch itself back together despite the deep cut. My damned alpha. I let out a humorless chuckle. My biology is the whole reason I’m in this mess. 

The bleeding has stopped. I have five minutes before I’m completely healed and the voices come back. I rush back to my room. Without waiting a second. I flip my mattress over. I feel around the underside of the heavy foam. My fingers graze a zipper. I pull it and a plastic bottle falls into my hand. The cap isn’t open but my throat clenches at the phantom smell of wolfsbane. I stuff the bloodstained towel and blade into the crevice and zip it back up. I arrange my mattress back onto my bed frame. I rush to my backpack and pull out my water bottle. I pop open the wolfsbane my head goes dizzy at the foul stench. I pour the yellow-tinged liquid into the Nike bottle.

My hands are shaking, my mind is screaming, my stomach is turning but I force my mouth open and gulp it down.

My legs give out. I gag and choke. It tastes like battery acid. It burns all the way down, my stomach tries to force it out but I clench my teeth. I curl in on myself while my body shakes.

I feel like I’m going to die. I feel myself going in and out of consciousness.

Through my blurry vision, I see someone enter my room.

Jamal. Through half-shut eyes I see him scream. I’m not sure if it’s a silent scream though I don't think I can hear anything over the ringing in my ears.

When I come to I hear a soft voice humming sweetly and I feel hands playing with my hair. I blink in an attempt to clear my eyes. My skin is no longer buzzing, my head is clear and even though it feels like my stomach is collapsing in on itself I feel serene.

That’s when I remember. Louis, The debate.

I try to sit up but the hand in my hair stiffens and pulls.

“stay” that’s when I realize that I’m lying on the floor of my bedroom. My head in Jamal’s lap. His hands are soft and his touch is light. I’m tempted to just lie in his embrace. I let myself do just that for five more minutes before I speak.

“I need to leave, Jamal.” My words are barely a whisper and yet they hurt like a kick to the throat.

He sighs and removes his hands from my hair.

I sit up, ignoring the pain all over my body.

We’re sitting side by side our backs against my bed frame. From the corner of my eye, I catch a glimpse of the empty bottle of wolfsbane. I groan internally.

“Mal-“ I start.

“you could have died Harry” his voice is shaky. He looks nothing like the organized composed omega that he always is. His uniform his stained with vomit and blood, my vomit and blood, his hair floats around his face like a dark halo and his eyes are bloodshot. He wrings his hands.

“you could have overdosed and died” he continues. He’s watching me intently his gaze settling on the patch of blood on my arm that has seeped through my nightshirt.

“I’m sorry, but I need to be sane today”

He just shakes his head.

“get up and get dressed. We leave in ten minutes.” He sighs.

He lifts himself off the floor and picks his way to the door. He opens the door but doesn’t leave.

“and Harry, if you do this again I will make sure you end up in the same loony bin as your crazy mother.” 

I flinch at the venom in his words. If he wants to hurt me as much as I have hurt him, he’s succeeded but I know no amount of insults will ever be enough.

The drive to school is quiet but long. Jamal makes sure to go over every speed bump on our way at least twice. The pain from the wolfsbane is beginning to fade although the cut on my arm from earlier refuses to close. The intended effect of the wolfsbane is achieved in that it keeps the voices at bay. But it also slows down my reaction to stimuli. I feel like my limbs weigh a thousand tons and my head feels stuffed with cotton.

Jamal parks the car in the school parking lot were there’s already a bus and a group of people waiting to board. Thank God we’re not too late.

“I’m coming with you” Jamal states. I turn and look at him in the driver’s seat, his eyes are focused on the school building in front of us but I can tell that his mind’s somewhere else.

“I’m the only one who knows your medical history so if something happens..” he trails off.

He’s right though. I can still feel tremors shake my body, the effects of wolfsbane vary from person to person. On an omega it would lead to severe almost life-threatening poisoning, on a beta, it would cause seizures and on an alpha, it completely suppresses their wolf instincts. But an overdose would be fatal to any gender.

“that’s fine I’m sure Louis can-” he’s out of the car before I can finish my sentence.

I follow behind him.

Louis is pacing back and forth in front of the plastic doors of the bus. We move through the small group of students, all part of the debate team, waiting to board.

“Harry!!” Louis finally sees us approaching. “thank God you’re here.”

He turns and knocks on the doors.

“open up we’re complete!!” he yells at the driver. The doors open and the students begin rushing in.

“Sophomores in front, Juniors in the middle, Seniors to the back!!” he commands.

The students on the debate team are orderly but most importantly they’re fast, something tells me that standing outside in the sun for the past thirty minutes has something to do with it.

Soon enough Louis, Jamal, and I are the only ones left standing outside.

He beams up at me, his blue eyes tearing up a bit. He moves closer and for a second I think he’s going to hug me, but he catches himself.

“Harry!! You’re late”

“something came up” Jamal interjects.

Louis starts as if just realizing that Jamal is here.

“oh-“

“I’m coming with you guys by the way”

“sure. But there might not be-“

Jamal walks right past Louis and onto the bus without sparing him a glance.

I sigh.

“don’t take it too hard. He’s just really mad at me.” I smile trying to comfort Louis. My lips crack at the movement and I feel my bottom lip start to bleed.

Louis's eyes go wide with panic. He reaches into his blazer pocket and produces a silk handkerchief with the initials L.T. he presses the cloth to my lip.

“Harry. You don’t look so good. You sure you don’t want to stay back” he asks genuinely worried.

“ Nah I’m fine” I try to ignore the feeling of his fingers against my lip.

He steps away and his eyes take in my figure from my tangled messy hair to my scuffed up shoes. I look away, I can only imagine what he thinks of my pale face with my green veins showing through, my sunken cheeks and bags so dark my eyes look almost bruised.

“Harry-“ he twists the bloodstained handkerchief in his hands.

“come on” I walk past him and onto the bus. As soon as I step in, all conversations stop and all eyes move to me. I walk down the central aisle of the bus as quickly as possible but not nearly fast enough.

I practically fall into the back row beside Jamal and another senior.

My lungs feel like I’ve just run ten miles. I can’t catch my breath quickly enough. I lean my arms on my knees and rest my face in my palms.

I can’t fucking breathe.

I feel hands on my knees.

“Harry” I move my palms to see Jamal kneeling in front of me.

“look at me, Harry.” His voice is quiet but steely.

I try to calm my mind.

“in” he takes a deep breath. I do the same.

“out” I exhale.

We repeat this exercise until I’m not completely freaking out anymore.

Jamal slides back into his seat beside me.

The bus is completely silent. Everyone has turned in their seats to watch me. Including Louis who is standing beside the driver in front of the bus.

He clears his throat.

“is everyone settled?”

Some people mumble a yes but most of them are still focused on me their eyes boring holes in my skin.

“so it’s going to be a six-hour drive to the hotel-“ Louis continues.

“Hotel?” Jamal asks the alpha to his left.

“Yeah, it’s an overnight trip” the alpha, who I now recognize as James ( _Jamie_ ), answers.

I let this new information settle in my brain. My brain as if finally processing this news, freaks out. But not over the fact that the only thing I have packed with me is my backpack filled with notebooks. I catch Louis's eye as he makes his way to sit by me. His flowery scent engulfs me and I am filled with dread at the thought of being out of control around him, but some sick twisted part of me that was not suppressed by the wolfsbane, probably because this part is just as much of as me as I am it, is excited to see just how much chaos I can unleash.

I bite my inner cheeks till they bleed.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry comes home

I spend the rest of the afternoon cooking.

Zayn comes to pick up Niall but I’m too busy peeling potatoes to say anything to him. Niall is unwilling to leave, probably because he senses that something is wrong, he can’t smell Logan though, I made sure to wash his scent off me and spray air freshener.

All it takes is Zayn wrapping his muscled, tattooed arms around Niall’s waist and whispering into his ear for him to drop any objections.

I watch from my kitchen window as they pile into Zayn’s rusted old jalopy of a truck, kissing passionately and pulling at each other's clothes.

As they drive off, I don’t think I’ve ever hated Niall as much as I do at that moment. But I know I’m being unfair, it’s not his fault that I can’t seem to not fuck up everything I do.

I cook up a feast.

I make all of Harry’s favorites, fresh apple pie, pork chops, and honeyed chicken roast with mashed potatoes. I even make homemade vanilla ice cream from scratch.

I keep moving even when I cut my finger on a knife, I barely stop when I spill hot water down my shirt. I don’t stop for anything because I know that if I stop I’ll break down completely. My omega is silent. It doesn’t offer any words of comfort or encouragement. It just sits in the back of my mind watching and judging me.

Once the clock strikes eight I hear Harry’s car pull into the driveway. I want to laugh. Even when he’s upset he’s punctual.

I’m done setting the table when he steps into the house. He makes sure to lock the door behind him even though we’ve never had so much as a bicycle theft in this neighborhood. Harry Styles, always the protective alpha.

He stops by the kitchen and takes in the sight of me standing there, barefoot and covered in food. He’s wearing the same suit that he left in on Friday night. His hair is combed and the scruff on his chin has turned into a full beard.

He lets out a heavy sigh and holds out his arms.

My breath catches in my throat. I run to him and bury myself in his arms, in his scent. I forgot how secure he makes me feel, how grounded I feel with his arms around my shoulders. He kisses to the top of my hair covered head. I break down then. My chest shakes with sobs. I don’t think I’m ever going to leave his arms. Not willingly anyway.

He caresses me, giving me small touches and whispering sweet nothings in my ear. My omega preens at the attention.

After five minutes I hear his chest rumble.

“The food’s getting cold” he jokes.

I press my body closer to him and tighten my arms around his neck.

He chuckles.

I’m so scared. I’ve missed him so much and I’m so scared that this is a goodbye hug. But Harry would never be that cruel. I know my husband, he’s kind to a fault which is why I know how much it hurts him to stay away, to punish me like this.

I remove my arms from around his neck but I don’t step away. I look up and stare into his green eyes. He stares back at me, an unreadable expression on his face.

“cmon” I lead him to the same table we sat at when everything changed.

“sit, eat” I instruct.

He slides into a chair and I sit to his right. He piles food onto his plate with renewed vigor. Once there’s no space on his plate left, he digs in. After the first bite, he groans with pleasure.

“can’t remember the last time I ate food this good.”

My heart stings. I know he doesn’t mean it as a jab but it hurts anyway. The truth is that I don’t remember the last time I cooked for my husband.

He barely stops to breathe, instead of air, he inhales food.

He looks up at me and I realize that I’m smiling.

“Are you not going to eat anything?” he asks a spot of gravy on his chin.

I reach over to grab a napkin on the table. I wipe the gravy off his chin. His eyes don’t leave mine.

Once I’m settled back in my chair I smile wider.

“When you eat, the food enters my stomach” I repeat an old omegan proverb, one I once thought dumb when my grandmother taught it to me.

He scoffs and piles new food onto his plate. He pushes the plate to me.

“eat, omega” he hands me his fork. I look at him. He has a teasing smile on his face.

“unless you want me to feed you”

I take the fork and impale a piece of shredded chicken, I bring it to my lips making perfect eye contact. I lick the gravy from the skin. He looks away his jaw tightening.

I let out a loud unhinged laugh one that neither of us has heard in a long while. His jaw loosens and I can see barely repressed laughter sparkle in his eyes.

I’ve missed this. And now that I’ve tasted it once again, I don’t think I will ever let it go.

We eat in comfortable silence, passing the only plate I bothered to set to each other, there is an intimacy that comes with eating from the same plate.

Once, all that remains on the table are scraps, I make my way to the freezer and bring out the ice cream. Harry’s eyes light up at the sight of it.

“you sure know how to treat an alpha,” he says.

I smile at the praise.

I scoop some into a shiny cup and place it in front of him I make sure, however, to leave the whole tub within his reach. after handing him a small tablespoon, I turn and begin clearing the table

I’m washing the dishes in the sink when I feel Harry come up behind me. He wraps his arms around me. I freeze when he places his nose were Logan’s was hours ago. I push down my rising panic, there’s no way he can smell Logan on me.

He kisses my neck and I relax into his arms.

“I’m gonna take a bath. Join me when you’re done.”

When he leaves for upstairs I have to grip the sink to stay on my feet.

My head is swimming. What does this mean? Does he forgive me? How long till he turns mad and angry again? I swallow. I should stop, think, and map out a plan. I shouldn’t be caught up in all of this. But my body won’t listen. I feel my sweatpants tighten and my underwear moisten.

 _No sex. Sex will only confuse you more_.

As always, my omega is my voice of reason.

I take my time finishing the dishes before I make my way upstairs.

The bedroom door is ajar. I step into the room. Harry’s suit is splayed out on the bed. I move silently towards the bathroom. I peek in and see Harry lying in the bathtub, bubbles floating around him. The air is heavy with the aroma of bubblegum body wash. He grins at me and goes under the water, dunking his head in the stream. He comes up after a whole minute.

“come on in the water’s nice”

Water drips from his hair into his eyes down his chin and onto his chiseled chest. He smirks at me.

I move back into the room. I try to catch my breath. If this is a game, if this is a joke of some sort, I am too weak to resist it.

I pull my shirt over my head, I push my sweatpants from my waist along with my underwear.

I go to my closet and pick out a towel. I wrap my body in it, I hold it together tightly and take a deep breath, here goes everything. I go back to the bathroom.

I stand in front of Harry, my bare feet on the cold wet tiles of the bathroom.

He smirks at me.

“you gonna take-“

Before he finishes I let the towel fall to the ground.

My heart soars at the sight of him speechless. I see his eyes trail down my form, from my head to my toes. Now that I think about it, I don't think he's seen me naked in months.

I take my time entering the tub, I move to sit opposite him but he pulls me to his side.

He was right, the water is nice, it feels warm against my skin and it soothes my nerves.

He moves so that I’m sitting beside him, his arm wraps around my shoulders pressing me against his side.

His fingers trace circles on my arm and I rest my head against his pec. I raise my finger to the tattoos on his chest, my eyes circling in on one right above his heart. My index finger traces the L of the name.

“I remember when I got that” he muses. I look up to his face only to see him staring down at me. His eyes are clouded over with desire. I look back down to the tattoo of my name on his chest.

“you were so sure I’d regret it” his fingers go to my hair and I feel him tug at the strands.

“do you?” I ask, afraid of the answer.

“hell yeah, it hurt like a bitch” he jokes.

I slap the wet skin of his chest.

He laughs even harder. I feel a reluctant smile creep onto my face.

He sighs, a content smile on his face.

“if you’re asking if I regret getting a tattoo of your name, the answer is no.”

I feel my heart lodge itself in my throat, I want to cry.

“even…even after what I did?” I croak.

He looks at me then.

“Nothing will ever make me stop loving you Louis. No matter how badly you hurt me or how much I want to hate you.” His other hand drops to my thigh.

The soft atmosphere has changed. Now the sexual tension is replaced with the tension of the issue we’ve been skirting around all evening. I need to get this out of the way, I need to know where we stand and what he’s thinking.

“I’m sorry for not coming to you first, but I’m not sorry for what I did.” I let the truth of my words hang in the air. I try to focus on something else on anything else apart from the way his hands stop and he stiffens beside me.

After ten minutes of no response, I can’t help but feel a panic rising in me. This is it. I’ve fucked everything up. I’m gathering all my wits and strength, getting ready to get out of this tub, and cry myself to sleep when he finally speaks.

“I talked to Zayn. I asked him what his secret is. How he manages to keep his omega happy and yet still chase his nonsensical dreams.” His hand is stroking my thigh now. His eyes trained on the bubbles floating around us.

“he said to me. The two are not mutually exclusive, you just have to find enough time to just be together and everything else falls in place.” He pauses.

“I don’t forgive you for what you did, Lou”

My heart clenches. I press my face into his chest.

“but maybe someday I will. Hell, you forgave me for Jenny” his tone changes from serious to joking at the end but I know he means it.

I feel tears leak out of my eyes.

“I don’t what to talk about her,” I say.

I have an endless well of love inside me, one that I fill with things I want to forget. It becomes easy to pretend those things never happened when they’ve been in there long enough.

Harry exhales deeply and leans his head back.

“I’m not going to pretend that I don’t have a part in what you did”

I look up to the ceiling and watch a bubble pop against it. What the hell is he on about? I smile at that thought.

“God knows I have certainly not been the best alpha these past few weeks. I’ve been leaving early and coming home late. I’ve been ignoring my omega’s needs and avoiding him.”

So he knew what he was doing, I thought as much. The knowledge that I was right brings me no comfort, only pain.

“was it something I did?” I ask quietly.

He shakes his head and pulls me into his lap. My back against his chest.

“no baby” he kisses my neck.

“It was all me”

I sigh and relax into his embrace.

“I want to be there tomorrow Haz. In court”

I feel his teeth graze my spine, I shiver in response.

“of course baby.”

I feel his hand drift up to my thigh. My breath stutters.

“I.. I’ve gained some weight” I murmur.

He scoffs.

“since Friday?” 

No, since you last touched me. I think this but I don't say it. the atmosphere is delicate anything I say could make him retreat into himself. His hand moves to cup the meat of my hip while another pulls me tighter against him. I feel something hard part my cheeks.

I laugh.

“you have to be up early tomorrow” I warn.

He groans in frustration. He hasn’t had sex in two months.

I raise my hand to his beard.

“you, my alpha” he growls lowly. “need to shave”

“I thought you liked caveman Harry.” 

I smile, I can’t stop smiling around him.

“what omega doesn’t like a rugged man of the soil.” I tease.

He laughs.

I pat the arm wrapped around my waist.

“Alright, that’s enough mister. I’m gonna go shower.”

I sit forward, trying to wriggle out of his arms when I feel him bite me. The pain is sharp but dull. He looks at me with hooded eyes, his mouth still attached to my shoulder.

“you’re so soft, and warm. You smell so good. I want to eat you.” He says all this with a straight face.

I’m taken back by the pure want and hunger in his eyes.

He laughs.

“you should see the look on your face.” He kisses the shallow teeth marks on my shoulder.

“But seriously though watch out, I might eat you in your sleep.”

Words cannot describe how much I love Harry styles.

I smile, get out, and slip into the shower, I feel his eyes on me the whole time.

I’m lying in bed with only a blanket to cover my nakedness when he emerges from the bathroom.

I’ve long since turned off my phone. I don’t want anyone to ruin this night for me. For us. Logan Crenshaw can go to hell for all I care.

He’s naked as the day he was born and his face is shaved clean. I cup his face when he gets into bed. He leans over me, his arms by my head holding himself up.

“you look nineteen again” I joke.

He laughs and noses my cheek.

“and you’ve never stopped looking twelve, omega”

I laugh and smack his back.

He looks at me, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

He falls into bed beside me and pulls me close.

“Harry?” I whisper.

“yes, my love”

“Are you high?”

He smiles at me but the look in my eye must tell him I'm serious because his smile shrinks.

“a part of me is boiling with anger right now Louis” I feel the blood leave my face. I knew it. I should have just shut up.

“but at the same time, I can’t stand to leave you. I wanna hurt you and comfort you at the same time.” He looks at me and all I can see are those beautiful green eyes. Eyes filled will pain and longing.

“I wanna fuck you into this mattress but the thought of kissing you makes me want to vomit.”

Well, that hurt.

“I can’t assure you that come tomorrow morning I will be in this bed when you wake up. I wish I could but I can’t because when I see your face tomorrow I’m not sure if I’ll see the man I love or the omega that betrayed me. I’m gonna need you to understand that Lou.”

I take a minute to process his words. I'm used to Harry's mood changes, I've been nothing but supportive when it comes to his mental health. I've followed him to therapy sessions and doctor appointments. I've helped him through the worst stages of both his mental and physical health. I've held his hand through his worst episodes. I've gone to support groups for people like me who love alphas that may never love them back. Not always anyway.

He doesn’t forgive me. He’s still mad at me but he still loves me. He still _wants_ me. I focus on that.

I sigh and lean over the side of the bed to turn off the light.

I lie back in the darkness and pull the blanket over our bodies.

“good night alpha”

He kisses my cheek.

“good night omega.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter is supposed to highlight how hard it is to be angry at someone you love. if you've ever been mad at a boyfriend or girlfriend you know that half the time you just want to kiss and makeup but the anger and hurt is still there.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 12 years Earlier

Oh my God!!. Can someone open a fucking window?!!” Jamal moans.

He gets up from his seat and climbs over James’s lap to check the window. James’s face turns a peculiar shade of bright red.

I would laugh at the scene if I wasn’t being cooked alive like everyone else. 

I push back my hair from my forehead, it’s wet with sweat.

I turn to Louis who’s sitting to my right, a troubled expression on his face.

“Hey” I smile.

He looks at me, his big blue eyes wide with worry. He looks no better than the rest of the occupants of the bus, in fact, he looks worse because he’s still wearing his school blazer.

“you know, no one blames you for this.” I gesture towards the students sitting in before us in various states of undress. Many of them have their whole heads out the window, some hold their notebooks in front of them, waving the books like a fan. The others are fighting for a battery-powered fan.

He sighs.

“I should have called for another check of the bus engine and AC before we left.”

“but it worked for the first two hours” I try to comfort him, but it has no effect.

He gives me a watery smile that says thanks for trying.

“at least it can’t get any worse” pipes James.

And then, as if by magic, a loud pop comes from the engine.

For thirty seconds everyone stops moving, even the driver. Then the sound comes again, even louder this time. The engine begins to rattle and stall. The bus slows down to a snail’s crawl. The driver manages to pull over to the side of the road before the bus stops completely.

The students erupt into a chorus of complaints and protests.

“no no no no no”

“are you fucking kidding me”

“I wanna go home!!”

“my father will hear about this”

Even the driver is banging his head against the steering wheel.

I look to Louis but so does half of the debate team. He looks like he’s going to cry.

The bus descends into chaos.

I sigh.

Jamal is trying to squeeze himself out the window and James is too preoccupied with trying to not stare at Jamal’s ass. I realize that I’m going to have to take charge.

I get up on my feet. I ignore the feeling of nausea that swirls in my stomach. My head is still pounding, the effects of the wolfsbane refusing to fade.

“I’m going to need everyone to shut up for a minute!!” I yell.

Everyone goes silent. I begin to pace down the center aisle.

They all stare at me with expectant eyes. They look relieved. 

I can practically hear them thinking. _Oh look an alpha’s here to save the day_.

“once I step outside you’re all going to exit the bus in an orderly fashion. If I hear so much as a whine.” I turn to the sophomore beta who cried to go home.

“or a complaint” I turn to the junior alpha who hasn’t stopped swearing or complaining the whole drive.

“all of you will stay inside this bus and I will shut all the windows. Am I clear?”

They all nod.

“Am I clear?!!” I ask louder.

“Yes alpha!!”

I walk out of the bus and make my way to the back of the bus were the driver has popped the hood of the engine.

He’s a middle-aged Latino man with salt and pepper hair and a portly body. I tower over him even when he’s not leaning over the engine.

I fix him with a questioning gaze.

He shakes his head in response.

“engine’s shot”

I try to not appear disheartened. I guessed as much.

I glance around, the road is surrounded on both sides by dry sand and sparse vegetation. There’s no sign of civilization for miles.

I go to the group of students who’re gathered in a circle by the door to the bus. They cease all forms of whispering at the sight of me.

“I want you all to practice your arguments for the list of prompts given to us. We’re still going to Washington” I announce.

“yes alpha!!” they seem calmer and less panicky than they were on the bus. They break into groups and start discussing quietly.

I spot Louis standing away from everyone else. He’s talking to James and Jamal in hushed tones. 

“yes, but there’s no space for all twenty-one of us” James whisper yells at Louis.

Louis looks like he’s going to cry.

“But we have no other option.” He says steadily. I’m impressed by his level of control because I’m this close to punching James right in his perfect face. Jamal just stands there unmoving, a bored expression on his face.

I clear my throat.

“the engine’s shot we’re gonna have to call a tow truck.”

James throws his arms in the air in exasperation.

Louis bites his bottom lip and scrunches his face in concentration. I feel the overwhelming urge to smooth out the crease between his eyebrows with my thumb.

I stick my hands in my pockets

Barely ten seconds later Louis’s face brightens and he’s practically jumping on his feet.

I realize that he’s having a eureka moment, I can practically see a lightbulb over his head.

“what if- what if we call the bus with the luggage and get in that one while we unload the luggage into this one and the tow truck can take it to get fixed. We can go a few days without clothes.”

James looks at him skeptically but he can’t find any reason to object. 

Louis turns to me excitedly.

“Safety is our number one priority meaning we need to get back on the road as soon as possible. Harry, make sure no one panics and tell them the plan and to be prepared.”

The Louis who looked close to tears seems far away. It seems impossible that this omega before me, with a determined glint in his eye, was so close to falling apart minutes earlier.

“what are you waiting for? Go on Harry!!” he laughs.

At the thought of a new bus, one that is likely equally as hideously bright yellow as the vehicle we previously occupied, the collective panic turns into excitement.

We’re still going to Washington.

We’re still going to the competition.

I have no idea why this competition is so important to the student of St Francis Academy. It obviously has nothing to do with money considering the fact that there is no cash prize, I think it has something to do with prestige, but I can never tell with these rich people.

A turbulent phone call and thirty restless minutes later, Louis is supervising the students while they load onto a new vehicle.

It seems as if someone dunked a bucket of cold water over his head because Louis Tomlinson is awake. He speaks with an authority that I’ve never heard from him. He listens to complaints and addresses the important ones while dismissing the trivial ones. How could I ever think that he’ need my help? He starts the final roll call, his voice is louder than usual. I try to focus on him and ignore the pounding in my head that makes my eyes blur.

I feel Jamal sit beside me.

“you ok?” he asks as he rests his head on my shoulder.

“I thought you were mad at me?” I ask quietly.

“ugh just say sorry so I can forgive you” he groans.

I feel myself smile.

“I’m sorry” I look at the top of his head. I want to touch his tightly curled hair. As if sensing my thoughts he looks up and narrows his eyes at me.

“I forgive you.”

One of the only benefits of Jamal’s commitment issues is that it’s not limited to human beings, it includes emotions like anger. 

We sit in silence and watch as the new bus turns on and the students rejoice.

“I think I get why you like him so much” his eyes are closed and I feel all the tension leave his body.

I don’t reply, because I have no idea what he means, or I do but I’m not sure I want to think about that yet.

Louis approaches where we sit on the roadside.

“hey guys.” He drops to a squat and I most definitely do not notice the bulge of his thighs.

“I have some good and bad news” he continues.

Jamal stirs but he doesn’t lookup.

“bad news?” I ask.

Louis nods and his bottom lip is under his teeth again.

I sigh internally.

“go ahead then”

Louis blinks guiltily.

“good news, there’s enough space on the bus for all of us.” He pauses, after getting no reaction he continues.

“bad news…Jorge, the driver, can’t stay with the bus till the tow truck comes. The company we hired doesn’t allow shifts longer than six hours and who knows when the trucks gonna get here. He’s heading to Washington with everyone else.”

“what does that mean for us?” Jamal pipes. He’s wide awake now, staring Louis down. 

Louis gulps.

“We need a volunteer to stay with the bus”

It dawns on me, what he’s saying or more importantly, what he’s asking.

“and since none of the student’s parents will be pleased to hear of any of this, there’s really only one person,” I say.

Louis refuses to meet my eyes.

I sigh and push myself to my feet. I blink out the black spots that appear in my vision. Louis straightens out.

“I’m sorry” he croaks.

I smile down at him.

“It’s alright.”

Jamal shoots up. “no way”

“Mal-“

“you’re joking. There has to be another option” he steps towards Louis with the scariest look I’ve ever seen on his face.

“find someone else!!” he yells at Louis.

Louis takes a step back but doesn’t lookup.

“Ja-“

“NO Harry. You can’t do this.”

“I’ll be fine”

“But..but you’re sick, what if something happens?” He asks worriedly “Wherever you go I go” his voice is shaky. He looks at me with eyes filled with desperation.

I cringe internally.

“you’re an omega Jamal.”

“but-“

“a black omega” It seems I have to be the logical one.

The fact is I have absolutely no qualms about being alone in the middle of nowhere. I feel no fear at the thought of anything happening to me, but the thought of anything happening to Jamal makes me want to vomit.

He stomps his foot like a child. However, his frustration quickly switches back to anger. He grabs Louis by the shoulders and shakes him hard.

“you selfish-“

“Jamal enough!!”

He freezes in place.

I hate having to use my alpha voice on him but he has given me no choice. I’m shaking with the effort it takes to stay on my feet. I can feel my alpha stirring so I push him down but it doesn’t work. I can feel my thoughts muddying.

It’d be so easy to let go. To stop struggling, to take the easy way out.

I need to bleed. I bite the inside of my cheek. The metallic taste of blood brings clarity.

Jamal moves towards me, worry and disbelief on his face.

I step back.

He swallows, sends Louis a glare then marches towards the full bus.

I watch as he climbs into the bright yellow monstrosity, the doors close behind him. I hear the rev of the engine. I’m filled with relief. I allow myself to entertain the thought of giving into my alpha now that I’ll be alone. But then I remember that I’m not alone.

“Louis” at the sound of his name he looks up. He gives me a watery smile, the same one from the bus. Now I understand why he refused to look at me.

My heart stops as the bus starts moving.

“no!!” I yell.

The bus drives onto the highway.

“wait!!” I run faster than I ever have but I’m too slow. I can feel my body giving up on me. My legs turn to jelly, my vision turns horizontal.

I feel the heat of the road’s asphalt and then pain on my cheek. Before I can form another thought my vision goes black.

“So I just have to check back in by Thursday?” Louis asks.

“yeah should take at least three days, so by then.” A gruff voice responds.

“Alright then. Thank you so much.”

“ don’t worry about it”

The first thing I see when I open my eyes is the moon. I groan and shut my eyes.

“looks like he’s awake,” the strange voice says.

I open my eyes again and look around.

I’m lying in the backseat of a school bus. My limbs feel like stone but I push myself into a sitting position. Towers of luggage surround me.

Louis comes into view as he climbs into the bus. The bright moonlight illuminates the side of his face and for ten seconds he is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen.

“Hey” he smiles.

That smile again. How is he always smiling?

“we’re gonna stay at a motel for tonight and catch a taxi to a bus station tomorrow” he speaks softly, quietly, with the tone one uses on a child. I feel myself scowl.

“where are we?” I murmur. My throat feels raw and dry.

“oh!! My bad. We’re actually at a motel right now. The tow truck came and the driver was nice enough to drop us off here.”

“wait…I was out the entire time?”

His smile turns sheepish.

“yeah,” he must see the expression on my face because he’s quick to reassure me.

“It wasn’t even that long of a wait plus you were clearly ill”

I feel shame pool in my stomach.

While I was out Louis was busy doing what I was supposed to do. Anything could have happened to him and I would have done nothing.

“We should probably head in so Gerry can take this to the mechanic.” He pats one of the leather benches. 

He’s right. I can find some other time to sulk.

I plant my feet firmly on the floor and summon all the energy I have to stand up. With the help of the benches along the isle and Louis, who is there with his ever-present encouragement, I manage to get off the bus.

The night air is cool against my clammy skin and now that I’m under the full moon, the threat of my wolf is stronger than ever. I can feel him in the back of my mind, waiting patiently for me to slip up.

Gerry is a tall, lithe beta with a lot more hair than he can take care of. He speaks with a lazy drawl, like he can’t be bothered to say the last syllables in his words. When he sees me he nods in greeting.

He walks up to Louis and hands him a duffle bag.

“Thank you!!” Louis says gratefully.

Gerry waves him off and gets back into the tow truck. He drives off into the night with a bright yellow school bus as a tail.

The front lobby of the Lonely Star motel smells like antiseptic and blood. The cheap brown carpet is paper-thin and fraying at the edges, there are two motheaten armchairs with magazines on a coffee table that form what I think is a makeshift waiting area. A dusty wall clock shows the time as nine-fifteen p.m.

Behind the front desk sits a skinny redhead called Darcy, at least that’s what her nametag says.

She’s chewing what smells like strawberry bubblegum. Her lips are covered in bits of gum and bright red lipstick, in her ears are earbuds that play music so loud that I can hear the lyrics of smells like teen spirit. In her hands is a cellphone that she holds carelessly. She could be thirty or eighteen.

Pulling Louis along, I move to stand directly in front of her. She looks up at me and pops her gum.

“hi” I greet, flashing a smile.

She pops another bubble, her green eyes unblinking.

“HI!” I try it again.

She points at her earbuds but makes no move to take them out.

I hear Louis snicker beside me.

I feel my temper rising. I knock my fist against the wooden surface of her desk.

She cocks an eyebrow.

“40 a night.” She says, finally, her voice louder than necessary.

I pull out two twenty-dollar bills from my wallet before Louis can get out his credit card.

She practically snatches the notes form my hand. She holds them up to the dim yellow light of the room. When satisfied she adds them to the cash register. She blows a bubble.

“per person”

I scowl and she smiles for the first time.

I slap forty dollars on the table before her.   
she hands me a key with a plastic plate-like circle attached. On the blue plastic, the number 12 is etched.

I send her one last scowl as we leave to which she replies with a mock salute.

When we’re outside Louis breaks into uncontrollable laughter.

I feel my face soften at the sight of him clutching his stomach.

“come on,” I say.

We find room twelve fairly quickly, it’s four doors down from the door opposite the lobby. In the space between the U shaped complex is a swimming pool that looks inky black. The waters seem to trap all the light from the moon.

I slot the key into the door, turn and push the door open.

Louis walks in before me and jumps onto the bed. One bed. Of course. I mentally curse Darcy.

“wait! We should probably check for bedbugs” I warn.

He jumps off the bed as if he’s been burned. His face is just as white as the sheets. Great, now he’s going to be worrying about it all night. In a bid to reassure him I laugh and shrug.

“I’m kidding.”

He eyes me warily but relaxes back unto the bed.

I turn and lock the door. I put in the chain lock and just to be safe, I slot a chair under the handle.

When I turn back to him, Louis is unfolding clothes from the duffel bag.

“Gerry stopped at a gas station and I got you some clothes.” He throws a pair of sweatpants and a cotton t-shirt at me. I catch it in the air.

“I’m gonna shower.” He waves the hand that’s not filled with toiletries and clothes at me as he slips into the bathroom.

I hear the shower turn on.

I raise the mattress and check the edges for bedbugs. I sigh in relief when I find nothing.

I check the windows to make sure their locked, I check the mirror, and do a sweep of the room for any cameras.

I’m done changing out of my clothes when I hear the shower turn off.

I swallow.

Minutes later he steps out. I try to swallow again but my throat catches. He’s only dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants but the curve of his hips is incredibly sensual.

So this is the body he hides under his blazer. His wet hair drips water on his shirt, I watch as a drop travels from his neck and soaks the material covering his right nipple.

He clears his throat. I tear my gaze away.

His face is bright red.

“uh.. I’m gonna sleep on the floor” I squeak.

He folds his uniform and mine into the duffel bag.

He shakes his head. “we can share the bed, I don’t mind.” Before I can object, he slides into the bed.

“turn off the light please”

Obediently, I switch off the light. The room goes dark. It takes some adjusting but soon I can make out his form under the covers. He pats the space beside him.

I should probably protest. I should not be sleeping beside an omega with my alpha so close to the surface. I should do the noble thing and insist that I sleep on the floor. But the thought of those eyes and those thighs dismiss any warning signs in my head.

Soon I feel the soft cotton of the bedsheets against my back and I can smell the rich flowery scent of omega but sweeter, stronger. Good God Louis Tomlinson smells divine.

I’m scooting to the edge of the bed, trying to keep my distance when he turns on his side to face me.

“thank you.” He whispers.

“for what?”

“for today. For everything. I was really happy you were there.”

I scan his face in the dark. He’s looking directly at me even though he can’t see me. His eyes are so bright, so blue.

“no problem..”

He smiles.

“if I’m being honest, there’s no one else I’d rather be doing this with.” he continues.

“Lou” his eyes shutter at the nickname.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were staying behind?”

“would you have let me stay if I did?”

“you can’t answer a question with a question.”

He laughs softly. I can feel his stare against the side of my face.

“I’m running for student body president in October.” He says after ten minutes of silence.

I turn on my side so that we’re facing.

“St. Francis stopped being an all-alpha school fifty years ago, and not once, since then, has there been an omega student body president.

I’m going to be the first” I watch as a familiar glint appears in his eyes.

“and if I’m going to do that, I need to show them that I can take charge.”

I raise my hand and caress his cheek, he leans into my touch.

“you’re incredible,” I say in awe.

He blushes and tries to hide his face in his pillow.

“We should probably go to sleep.” He mumbles.

I nod in agreement.

We stare at each other until he falls asleep.

Once I see the rhythmic up and down of his chest and hear the sound of his breathing, I slide onto the floor.

I can’t afford to fall asleep. Not when I have no idea who I’ll wake up as. Louis Tomlinson is so so special, I would never forgive myself if I hurt him. so I stay awake and daydream of a future with the omega that is slowly becoming my whole world. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is any fanfic really complete without a "there's only one bed" scene? I'm so sorry for not updating earlier, had some really bad personal problems


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of Harry's case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why are the present-day scenes filled with so much drama lmaoo

When I wake up on Monday morning, I wake up alone.

I jerk forward. My backed-up mind is whirring at full capacity.

Where is he? Was last night a dream?

I’m almost panicking when I smell him. His scent, woodsy and rainy, hangs heavy in the air. I relax into the sheets. I roll onto his side of the bed. I stuff my head into his pillow and inhale.

That’s the position I’m in when Harry walks into the room. Naked ass bared to the world with my face buried in his pillow.

He stands by the door for minutes, watching me. I don’t dare move for fear that this Harry could want nothing to do with me. I’m faintly aware of my omega in the back of my mind whispering that I shouldn’t feel like this with my alpha.

I let out a breath when I feel the tips of his fingers ghost against my skin. I shiver as he draws lines from the small of my back to my neck. I wait for his touch to harden, for him to tighten his fingers around my neck, pull me from his bed, and cast me out.

His hand drifts into my hair and I practically hear myself purr.

“I’m heading out soon.” He says.

I flip onto my back so I can see him.

He’s dressed in a dark blue suit.

I watch as his eyes take in my naked form. His Adam's apple bobs in his throat.

He holds out his tie, a question mixing with the unbridled desire in his eyes.

I take the tie from him and slide off the bed.

His hands encircle my wrists when I reach up to hook the tie around his neck. He pulls me towards him and sits on the edge of the bed.

He drags me to stand between his legs. His hands drop to my bare waist.

I smile and begin knotting the tie.

“you sure you wanna come?” I feel the vibration of his throat through the material.

My hands still.

His green eyes are stormy. I finish with the tie and place my hands on his broad shoulders.

“This case is important to you”

“That doesn’t mean you have to be there”

I rub my thumb over the sharp edge of his cheekbone.

“Well that’s up to me isn’t it?”

I look closer at the tense set of his eyebrows and the thin line of his lips.

“don’t tell me you’re nervous?”

He pulls one of my legs over his own so I’m straddling him, my knees on the bed while I sit on his legs.

He smirks.

“How is it you always know how to read me?”

I laugh lowly and draw him closer, cradling his head to my chest.

“you’ll do great Harry. You’ve put in the work, now it’s time to finish it.”

I cup his cheeks and force him to look at me.

“you’re going to put that fucker in jail” I press my lips to his in a quick kiss.

I’m wearing my husband's hoodie, a cup of coffee in my hands, when he leaves for work. Before he leaves he presses my body to his and gives me a breathtaking kiss.

Minutes later, I’m digging around Harry’s closet, looking for a pair of my good shoes when my hand brushes a plastic bottle.

I wrap my fingers around the bottle and bring it to my face. The orange pill bottle is full, the seal unbroken. On the front of the label reads Ziprasidone. I recognize the fine print of the date of the refill.

I feel my chest constrict. Harry hasn’t been taking his meds.

I’m filled with a sense of urgency and dread.

This is bad. This is very bad.

Tonight is a full moon, this is the worst possible time for him to be skipping his meds.

It’d be dishonest to say that I did not consider the possibility that Harry purposely didn’t get a refill of his medication. That he wasn’t too busy and my selfless act of picking them up for him was nothing more than an inconvenience for him. I let this thought sit in my head for a second before I dismiss it. There are more important things to worry about.

With lightning speed, I dress in a pair of dark chinos and an earth tone v neck cashmere sweater. I’m still pulling gold bracelets around my wrist when I get into my car. The diamond ring on my finger feels foreign and clunky after weeks of disuse.

I adjust my hair in the reflection of the sun visor, the silver pendant of my necklace glints in the sunlight. I take a deep breath, settle my thoughts, and begin the drive to the Ayn Marshall Criminal Court.

When I get there I find Harry and the rest of his legal team huddled around in a circle grilling the plaintiff.

The plaintiff, Emily, is a tiny slip of an omega. Her skin is pale and sweaty despite the cool air of the hallway. Her eyes bug out of her skull, the purple bruises around them made even more obvious.

I check my watch for the time, they have fifteen minutes till they have to be in the courtroom.

“Emily I want you to relax. We’ve gone over this a million times. You’ve got this and if anything goes wrong don’t worry we’ve got you.” Harry reassures her, his hands on her shoulders. I can see the tension leave her body. She can’t help it, he’s an alpha and despite the way her own alpha has hurt her, her omega is quick to trust Harry. I feel both pride and anger at the scene, at my biology. 

She nods and cracks a small smile. Harry flashes a dimpled one at her before gently pushing her towards partners. The three of them make their way to the courtroom while Harry and I watch.

When they’re past the threshold of the double doors I turn to Harry.

He looks larger than life. All six foot two inches of him decked out in an Armani suit, hair slicked back carefully and a confident smile on his chiseled face. He looks like every bit the lawyer he is.

I consider telling him that I found his pills and forcing him to take them but the thought of throwing him off his groove stops me.

I plaster a smile on my face in an attempt to hide the thundering feelings inside me.

“you ready?”

The corner of his lips quirks up.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

He steps closer to me, his eyes never leaving mine.

“thank you” he whispers. I nod and a genuine smile creeps onto my face. He turns and leaves, not before throwing me one last glance.

There are barely twenty people inside the courtroom when the judge enters. There will be no jury for this case. We rise, the judge, an octogenarian with intelligent eyes, settles into his chair, we sit and the proceedings begin.

I have complete faith that Harry is going to win this. I twist my ring around my finger, he’s won harder cases than this one.

My confidence shatters when the defendant catches my eyes.

Gemma Styles smirks at me from her place beside her lawyer. The same smile that looks so warm and welcoming on her brother’s face looks cruel and punishing on hers. I feel my omega shrink away.

She winks at me and turns back to the judge.

I wrap my arms around myself and notice that I now have goosebumps on my skin.

“The defense summons Emily Styles to the stand.”

I’m tugged back to my body by the loud echo of the gavel slamming down.

Emily takes as much time as possible to get there, as though to prolong the experience for as long as possible.

“Please raise your right hand” the bailiff instructs. A thin pale limb ascends.

“do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?”

“I do”

The defense attorney, gemma’s lawyer, is Laura Edwards. A dark-haired alpha dressed in an equally dark pantsuit. Her hair is pulled back in a tight ponytail, her eyes are hidden behind a pair of tortoiseshell glasses and besides the sheen of lipgloss on her thin lips, there’s no semblance of makeup on her harsh face.

“Mrs. Styles, You claim that my client has been physically abusive towards you correct?”

Emily nods.

“can you give an example of a time where my client has exhibited such behavior?”

Emily sends harry a confused look. They weren’t prepared for this. Harry’s eyebrows are drawn together but he nods for her to continue.

“uh…on-on the night of my thirtieth birthday”

Laura waves her hand in a circular motion, urging Emily to continue.

“she-she threw a bottle of wine against my head and slapped me” Emily’s voice begins to waver.

“you were drunk on this night correct?” Laura states.

“y-yes we went out for dinner with some friends and I had a couple of drinks”

“Is there any evidence of this assault?”

“n-no”

“any witnesses?”

“no..“ Emily’s voice is a whisper.

“any pictures?”

“no”

Laura shakes her head in disbelief.

“and yet, we are supposed to take your word for it. The word of an intoxicated omega.”

“Objection your honor the defense is badgering my client.” Harry thunders.

“sustained. Rail it in Edwards” pipes the judge.

Laura steps back but her smug smile never leaves her face. The judge did not ask for her interrogation to be stricken from the record.

“Mrs. Styles, as evidence to support your claim, you stated that my client hit you in the face which caused the two black eyes on your face, yes?”

“objection question asked and answered.”

“let me rephrase that.”

Laura folds her hands behind her back.

“Mrs. Styles are you a clumsy person?”

Emily looks close to tears.

“n-no I don’t think so”

“huh,” the click-clack of heels is the only sound in the room for a minute.

“then why are there multiple incidents of similar injuries on your medical record?”

Emily’s mouth hangs open.

“Mrs. Styles for the cause of injury, in every single case you state falls and kitchen accidents. Does this not indicate that you are indeed a clumsy person? How do we know that all your ‘evidence’ of physical injury is not a result of your own folly?”

I want to wipe that smug smile off her ugly face.

“THAT’S NOT TRUE. She – she made me put those things there!!” Tears are falling freely from Emily’s eyes.

“Mrs. Styles it is common knowledge that omegas have autonomous access and control over their medical records.”

Emily’s head is in her palms and her shoulders are shaking.

“no further questions”

Gemma Styles grins while Emily slinks back into her seat.

Harry’s face is blank, his expression is schooled but I can tell that he’s upset. He’s not used to being upstaged in court. This is his domain, his element. I wring my hands, he should have never come here without taking his medication

“The prosecution will cross-examine the evidence brought forward by the defense after a short recess during which I will deliberate.” The Gavel goes down.

When we get outside Harry explodes.

“Why didn’t you tell me about the medical records?!!” his voice is loud but they’ve been able to find a room for this meeting.

“I-I didn’t think it was important” Emily croaks, tears wearing a path down her sunken cheeks.

“didn’t think it was important” Harry laughs dryly.

Emily wraps her arms around her self and shakes.

“Harry” Gwen, his partner, warns.

“whatever. I’ll see if I can get Johnson to adjourn and not dismiss this case entirely.” Harry turns to leave, I move to follow him but he shakes his head.

“I need to be alone right now”

I feel my cheeks burn in embarrassment.

“come on Emily let’s find you something to eat.” Gwen, the gentle beta, takes Emly’s hand and leads her from the room.

My embarrassment is sidelined by a fear that suddenly overtakes my body. I’m alone, Gwen’s gone with Emily, Harry’s gone God knows where and I’m all alone with him. With Harry’s third and final partner.

The dark-haired alpha rises from his position leaning beside the door.

His cool mask breaks into a wide ear to ear grin as he locks the door.

“Louis” he mutters.

My throat closes.

“Logan, please, no..”

His black eyes meet mine and Logan Crenshaw laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if I got any legal terms and proceeding wrong. we're starting to get to the meat of the story so yay. feel free to leave any comments!!


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> contd.

I blink hard. Maybe I can distract him, talk him out of doing something stupid.

“Logan” I’m stopped by the look in his eyes. The raw hunger that makes my stomach churn, he can’t hear me right now.

He pulls me into his arms, tears leak out of my eyes.

“SHH baby, be quiet. We don’t want anyone to find us do we?”

My body shakes with sobs.

He tips my head up and his cold grey eyes stare into mine, an ear to ear grin on his face.

“we can’t do this. You have to go back- there’s no time.”

He steps away and sits on a chair, he spreads his knees.

“then you better get to work.”

A weight settles in my stomach. I drop to my knees between his legs, I just have to imagine I’m somewhere else, I’ve done this before. My body knows the drill, it feels like I’m watching someone else’s hands undo his belt buckle, someone else’s fingers wrap around his shaft.

I’m thinking that I just might be able to do this when I feel his hands in my hair. He slams my head down his cock.

My throat refuses to open, I can’t breathe. my brain is panicking my heart is beating too fast. After what is probably only two minutes but feels like an eternity of fucking my mouth, He pulls me off him, I’ve barely taken a breath when I feel him slap me. The force of it knocks me to the ground.

My brain has shut down, it can’t process all the pain and emotions I feel all at once. As I curl into myself I hear him grunt above me, a second later hot cum splashes onto my face. I want to cry but I already am.

I manage to close my mouth before any of it gets in. He throws a handkerchief at me

“clean yourself up”

I don’t hear him leave, but I know he’s gone.

I want to lay where I am but the thought of being discovered forces me to my feet.

I try to steady myself as the world tilts around me.

I’m lucky enough that theres no one in the hallway while I find the nearest bathroom.

Once I’m inside I break down. I slide to the floor, my back against the door. I hug my knees against my chest.

How did I get here? How did I let it get this bad? 

I can’t do this anymore. I move to wipe tears from my face, my hand comes away with tears and dried cum.

What sounds like a laugh and sob escapes my chest. I toss the handkerchief into a bin, it smelled like him, like cold snow and smoke.

I want things to get better but I have no idea where to start. But one thing I know for sure is that I can’t keep doing this, I’m so close to falling apart.

“you know better than this Harry” I’m pulled out of my thoughts by voices outside.

“no judge’ll ever convict me. We’ve been through this exact scenario before and you know how that ended.”

“shutup”

“what? Can’t handle the truth?”

“I’m not talking to you”

Silence. I tense up, have they noticed that they're not alone? that I can hear them?

“you feel it too don’t you”

“what?”

“the anger Harry. The rage. The feeling that if you don’t break something, hurt someone, you’ll be consumed. You’ve always felt it, just like I have. You can act high and mighty all you want, you can use all the drugs you want, push it down all you want. It’s always gonna be there and one day…One day your gonna break and you’re gonna hurt him, like dad hurt mum and I hurt emiily.”

“is that a confession?”

A pause.

“our parents really fucked us over when they got together didn’t they”

My shoulders relax when I hear them walk away. They must be done in the courtroom. I push myself to my feet.

I turn on the tap and spray my face with cold water, my right cheek is tender and stings when I touch it. Theres going to be a nasty bruise there tomorrow.

I mess up my hair trying to get the cum out, by the time I'm successful the front of my sweater is wet but at least I’v gotten it all out.

I sit in my car and watch the sun go down and the sky as it turns orange.

how long were we even there?

The house is quiet when I get back and I can tell by the darkness that Harry isn’t home yet. I fall onto my bed and stretch out, my check smarts when it brushes against the flowery duvet of our California king bed. It still feels hot even now.

I should take a shower maybe I’ll feel better.

I’m tying my bathrobe closed when I hear the front door open and shut.

“Harry?!!” I ask at loud.

There’s no reply.

I slip out of the master bedroom and down stairs, the bare wood is cold on my feet.

Harry is in the kitchen his back turned to me, his hands are clutching the sink his head bent.

“Harry?” he doesn’t move or make any movement to show that he’s heard me.

I look him over and notice the half empty vodka bottle dangling from his grip.

I take hesitant steps closer and touch his broad back.

“Har-”

He spins around with lightning speed.

“don’t touch me!!”

I jump back surprised.

He looks manic, the pupils of his eyes are blown wide and the whites are red with uncontrolled rage.

For the second time today I can’t breath.

“FUCK!!” he flings the bottle so it smashes into pieces on the wall behind me. Glass shards knick the back of my shins.

He grips the hairs of his head as if to rip them out.

I wrap my hands around myself for comfort even though it makes no difference. I still feel petrified.

“WHY?!!” he yells.

My bottom lip quivers.

“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!!”

I raise my hand to wipe tears and my palm hovers over my mouth.

“I LOVE YOU” his voice cracks half way through love.

I shut my eyes because I can’t bare the sight of him.

“EVERYTHING I’VE DONE I’VE DONE FOR YOU!!”

I make a sound I didn’t know I was capable of making but it comes from that place of sorrow deep inside me.

“look at me” his voice softens but I’m too frightened to move.

“I SAID LOOK AT ME!!”

I sense him approaching me and I open my eyes at the last second. And at that moment looking into his eyes, I’m scared for my life.

I feel his fingers wrap around my throat. He pushes me into a wall, the pressure makes it hard to breath.

“my child Lou, our baby. You killed our baby.”

My vision blurs.

“Harry-” I try to breathe.

"what do you have to say for yourself!!"

"Ha-" its so hard to get air in.

"please" I beg.

some recognition returns to his eyes and his grip loosens.

“get out of my sight” he rumbles.

I scramble away and sprint up the stairs. I hear sounds of glass and china being thrown onto the floor in my wake.

I resist the urge to climb under the covers and cry. Instead I pack an over night bag and call Niall.

The phone rings for three seconds before he picks up.

“Lou ? what is it?”

“he’s having an episode” I whisper.

Ten seconds of silence.

“give me five minutes”

I spend the five minutes changing into pair of yoga pants and a zip up hoodie, I grab my toothbrush and tiptoe down the stairs, my duffle bag clunking against my right shoulder with every step.

I find Harry sitting on the floor among the piles off broken ceramics. His bloodied knucles clutching a bottle of red wine.

He watches me with eyes filled with rage and contempt. This Harry doesn’t love me, to this Harry I’m a whore that killed his child, his heir.

I remember in college when we’d first started dating, when I’d ask to meet his alpha and he’d change the subject or simply stop talking in general. Then one night as we lay in bed his nose buried in my neck after a particularly rough rut, I asked him and he finally gave me an answer.

He turned me to face him, all traces of satisfaction wiped from his face.

“for your sake, I hope never” 

I never brought it up again.

Now, I hope and pray that tonight is the closest I ever come to meeting his wolf.

The night air is frigid and cold. The air pricks my lung when I take deep breaths.

I look down the road and see Niall’s headlights. 

I get into the front seat before the car comes to a complete stop.

He doesn’t ask me any questions, he just looks at me and pulls out of the drive way, a silent air of solidarity hangs heavy and I know by the look on his face that he cares and he’s there.

The drive to his and Zayn’s home is quiet and short. Or maybe it feels like that because I'm in shock from today, trying to process everything from Gemma, to Logan to Harry.

When we’re finally parked in front of the duplex he turns on the overhead car light.

“oh Lou” he covers his mouth when he sees the finger prints around my neck and the bruise on my cheek.

I take in what he’s wearing: A large t shirt that I recognize as one of Zayn’s if not by the size but by the paint stains on the front and shorts that disappear under the hem. His feet are bare.

He came running immediately after I called him.

I don’t know why but this is he straw that breaks the camel's back.

I break down.

He pulls me into his arms and pets my hair.

“oh honey”

I know now what to do. I have to tell him everything because I can't do this anymore.

“Ni, I need to tell you something”


End file.
